Holiday Photo Montage

Happy New Year! I hope the holidays were good to you. First, one of my highlights: I received a Kindle as a Christmas gift, and it only took one day to figure out how to reset our password so I could connect to our home Wi-Fi network! Second, a low point: We witnessed a couple freaking out on the sidewalk while their rambunctuous puppy tossed a baby squirrel around like a ragdoll. The girl stood there screaming, her hands above her head, while her ineffectual boyfriend just stood there...or maybe he was encouraging the dog to rip the poor squirrel in half, who knows. I couldn't watch.

Maybe it's me, but I much prefer my squirrels sitting in tiny wooden chairs made by someone's grandfather, nibbling cobs of corn, to being torn apart by a dog and slinking away to die three hours later of internal bleeding.

So with that cheerful thought, let me clumsily segue into the next bit: the photo montage!

Let the orgy of gifts and whimsical cheeses begin! (Whimsical cheeses not included.)

Oh wait, here they are!

Hey look, now we can weigh the seizure my turtleneck is giving you!

Santa brought us a baby! This model comes pre-hypnotized by Grandma's turtleneck, and is completely pliable, floppy, and moldable.

This smaller model is similarly adorable and poseable, and comes complete with lifelike, joint-action hand for display. (Ring not included, extra shipping to Alaska, Hawaii, and Puerto Rico.)

These fools...they call themselves "grown-ups." They pay no attention to detail, to color complements. I can't believe I'm related to these boloney-handed muppets. Look how the one in black smiles for the camera, like a complete stooge. It's sad, really, is what it is.

Okay. Wait. Listen. Horse walks into a bar...wait...no, let me start over. Okay. Here it is. Syphilitic Irishman walks into a bar...