Monday, February 25, 2008

Gimme a (spring) break, Gimme a (spring) break...

Break me off a piece of that ... snickers bar. (For you Office fans out there.)

Well, we still have lots of snow. How about a photo of Hypno-baby to cheer us all up?

You will do every-zeeng I command…
zoon eee-nough I shall have an entire aaahmy at my dizpozal and you weel all wor-ship me!!

Oh, wait. Those of you who know me already do. My bad.

Tomorrow I am going to Chicago to hang out with these wonderful writers and bloggers. I shall do a special “Tomfoolery Summary” blog post this Friday to tell you if the festivities are as wild as those I enjoyed last weekend, which included: dancing (and singing along) to We Are Family with a bar full of drag queens…pushing a small SUV out of a snowbank…and rubbing my eyes in disbelief at the fact that the lead singer of a hair metal cover band was wearing a black velour TWIN SET over his tight jeans, which were missing the back pockets and had lace-up sides. He was, in effect, a poor woman’s Vince Neil. And really, isn’t the original already at a steep discount?

There was mood lighting. There was ‘fog.’ There were so many pairs of tapered-ankle jeans mincing about on the dance floor that it looked like a fundraiser for People Shaped Like Upside-down Triangles Awareness.

I have also been fighting the “joke birthday candle” of colds. Just when I think I have it licked, it flares up again. In my corner: garlic, enough brown herbal teas to tie-dye a parachute, Zicam, Cold-Eeze, and all kinds of goofy holistic hippie broths. In the cold’s corner: a black belt in viral mojo, skill with nunchucks, and training in the dark arts of stealth-mucous deployment. I feel a new battle breaking out in my left nostril as I write this.

The cold is also fighting my will to work, which is concerning to me as I have two hundred-page Grants That Want To Kill Me due the day after Easter. Isn’t that thoughtful of the grant distribution people at the United States Department of Education? To make them due the day after a major holiday around the time when my clients will be on spring break—and thus unavailable to me when I need them most—for a week?

I have heard rumors of this mythical “spring break” creature. In fact, if memory serves, I once ENJOYED one in Myrtle Beach somewhere around 1995. But I haven’t seen a “spring break” in nearly a decade. What color are they now? Are they too shaped like triangles?

More on Friday, kiddos!


  1. Oh sure, visit the Chicago peeps but don't even consider us Floridians. I'm just going to go pout over here now. You let me know when you're in town.

  2. Anonymous8:17 AM

    Oh, no! So sorry you're sick, Jess. I hope you kick that cold back to where it belongs, and soon. And I'm so jealous of your upcoming plans with Swishy, Eileen, etc. It sounds like tons of fun.

  3. Oh, man. I hope you're better soon. I am also battling this PIA illness.

    Have fun hanging out with the lovely writers and bloggers. Can't wait to hear all about it!!

  4. From the sounds of it, AUTHORPALOOZA should knock your cold on its butt and set you free to party...and write grant proposals.

  5. Don't forget the Mad Air guitar skilz we perfected!!

    do you wanna RAWK?

    Have fun - see you when you get back!

  6. Hope you are kicking the cold....
    Looking forward to your stories upon your return...

  7. It was fantastic to see you! One of these days I may get over my geek syndrome and actually call.

  8. Awesome picture of Hypno-baby!

    If he was mine I'd have a giant poster made of him with your caption.

  9. That is one cute baby. My trick for not catching a cold is a flu shot & vitamin c every day, either an actual orange or a chewable vitamin c thingy.