What caused my 24-hour flu-like symptoms on Monday? A virus? Some gross, squiggly bacteria? A family of small dwarves who live in my stomach? (If you get that reference, bless your darling little heart.)
Speaking of hearts, why am I having these crazy-ass heart palpitations all the time? Is it anxiety? Is it hormones? Did my heart try to get on So You Think you Can Dance! and we’re only now discovering that it has the rhythm of Navin Johnson?
Now that Weekly Reader and Reading Rainbow are kaputsky, will childhood be cancelled as well? Rainbows and puppy dogs and imagination itself banned? My God, who wants to be a kid these days? You have to wear a helmet to play in the front yard, the prizes in Cracker Jack boxes totally suck, and they have to run ADS on TV to remind you to go PLAY OUTSIDE. (But don’t forget the sunscreen! And your helmet.)
Why did my neighbors think a “Pure Romance” open house on their front lawn was a good idea? And why did they think it would be okay to not only attempt to sell marital aids to the general public on a lovely Tuesday afternoon, but puppies as well? Yes, there was signage, and no, sadly, I did not take a picture of it. “Puppies for sale! Also, dildos! Get your puppies and dildos right here, folks!”
I would like to thank Jacque for thinking enough of my ramblings to honor me with a “lovely blogger award.” Which she may want to rescind at this point.