Things Are Happening. Things Have Happened.

It’s the weekend, and you know what that means. Yes, it’s once again time for the weekly financial bloodletting at Target and some further budget buggery at the grocery store. Betwixt our visits to these two money vacuums, we decided to court a tapeworm infestation and have lunch at one of the Chinese buffets in town. Here are the highlights:

1. Someone had carefully balanced a check for 25 cents on the tummy of the Buddha statue near the cash register. Now, this appealed to me for two reasons: a) rather than mine the couch cushions for a quarter, someone actually took the time to write a check out for this amount; and b) what on earth can Buddha buy for 25 cents?
2. While savoring a delicious mouthful of the traditional Chinese dish “cheesy spinach casserole,” my eyes happened upon a sight that immediately made my tastebuds lose their happy feeling: a man with a hairdo that can only be described as a wacky cross between Gallagher’s head and a ball of yellow yarn. Think about that for a second. Then think about the fact that when I pointed Gallagher Yarnhair out to my husband, he said, “Yeah, I know that guy.”
3. Speaking of my darling life mate, his fortune read, “It’s time you asked that special someone out on a date.” That special someone better be me, bub.

After lunch, we zipped over to Copps to load up on foodstuffs for the week. And here are the people who entertained me at the grocery store:

1. A couple that looked. Exactly. Alike. With matching baseball caps, matching jackets, matching shoes, matching glasses, and matching voices. People have said J and I look like brother and sister (Eeeww!), but we’ve got nothing on Clone Couple. You’ll have to trust me on this.
2. A lady who may or may not have been clinically insane cupping a large, unwrapped chocolate egg in one hand while she steered her cart with the other.
3. Another fun couple, this time dressed in their pajamas. Mr. Pajamas (who looked exactly like Christopher Guest in Waiting for Guffman) said hi to J, addressing him by name. J just shrugged and whispered to me, “I have no idea who this guy is.” I told him he was just embarrassed that his best friend shops for head cheese in his pajamas.

Other things that are happening: if I behave myself and eat all my benchtabulls, I might get to interview this man to help me develop a character for my next book. Me = Thrilled! (Dudes: Murderball is up for best documentary at the Oscars…pass it on.)

Also, in honor of the Academy Awards on Sunday, I’m working hard to bring you a home movie of our dog / wolverine / special needs baby. Because I need another reason to procrastinate on my grant projects until the deadlines are clearing their throats and tapping their feet and I can hear them breathing RIGHT BEHIND ME. And then the planets will have aligned, the sun’s magnetic field will have reversed, and I will become the crazy woman wandering the grocery store cupping a large, unwrapped chocolate egg in one hand.

And finally, mysteries and wonders abound: I’m a nominee for another blog contest! Please, for less than the cost of a cup of coffee a day, Sally Struthers and I implore you to vote for me. Actually, it’s way cheaper than that. It will just take a few calories of expended energy for you to click on the little circle by my name. And make me the happiest girl in all the land. Thank you, Interpals!