If you were stranded on a desert island (without Ginger and the Professor and all those folks to keep you amused), which three _____s would you bring?
- The Left Behind series, so I could have one hell of a bonfire on the beach over which to roast the red snapper I have speared with a sharpened stick.
- The Complete Idiot's Guide to Cooking Weird Shit You Find on a Desert Island with bonus How Not to Die insert.
- Stephen King’s The Stand, which is one of the few books I will read over and over. (This is a real answer. I don't want to write the meme that cried wolf.)
Movies (this is assuming that you have access to some sort of electrical power source, a DVD player or a VCR, and a screen on which to view the films. Hard to do on a desert island, I know, but let's suspend our disbelief for a moment, shall we?)
As tempting as it was for me to type Battlefield Earth, Howard the Duck, and It’s Pat: the Movie, I thought I’d actually give you a serious answer.
- Annie Hall. I remember the first time I watched this movie. As the final credits rolled I thought, how could I have never seen this before? It was like discovering a $50 bill in the couch.
- Mystery Science Theater 3000 Collection, Volume 6. All it takes to knock me out of a bad mood is one viewing of the Mr. B Natural short.
- It’s a Wonderful Life. Did it ever bother you when Not Born George Bailey is asking about what happened to Mary and Clarence the Angel says, “You’re not gonna like it, George. She never married. She's an old maid.” And George grabs him and screams in his face, “Where’s Mary?!?! Where’s my wife?!?!” And Clarence defensively shouts, “She’s about to close up the library!” Like that was the worst possible way Mary could have ended up! Single and working in a library. Oh, the horror. I mean, Violet turned out to be a tramp. Well, trampier. Maybe if Mary had developed an opium addiction or routinely locked the kids in the car with the windows rolled up in late August or said things to her mother like, “He’s making violent love to me!” when asked what was going on downstairs …THEN I could see some cause for alarm.
"I wish I had a million dollars .... HOT DOG!"
Albums (see electronic power source caveat above)
This is a tough one, but I think I’ve narrowed it down. How about:
- Colonel Sanders’ Tijuana Picnic
2. Songs for Gay Dogs by Paddy Roberts
3. The Addicts Sing
And finally, PEOPLE. Because you wouldn't wanna be stuck by yourself, you know? (And your spouse/partner and children are NOT eligible here, because that goes without saying. Or at least if it doesn't, that's your problem).
- My good friend Cindy, who is the best sport I know. And she has the biggest heart in all the land. And who, despite knowing me better than almost anyone else does, still actually likes me.
- My dog Daisy, who is also a person to me. A hairy, stinky, loud, but cute little person with a proclivity for cophrophagia and bed humping.
- Of course I’d want J, but he’s ineligible for this meme. I think Jon Stewart would be an acceptable substitute. But then Cindy and I might fight over him. So maybe David Sedaris, who would regale us nightly with fables and amusing anecdotes.
And there you have it. If you'd like to play along, please do. If not, you can always go listen to some Addicts Sing.