Friday, June 02, 2006

How Does Your Garden Grow? Pretty Sh*tty, At the Moment

Lately I’ve been in a planty-kind of mood. So I stopped by our neighborhood nursery to buy some perennials that I’ll eventually kill from neglect and general mismanagement. To start out, I bought a purple coneflower and butterfly bush. After I paid for the vegetative booty and began to head for the car the cashier called out after me: “Ma’am?” She extended another receipt towards me. “Your bush is guaranteed for two years. Keep this in case it dies and we’ll replace it for free.”

Some days it’s like blogging manna just falls from the sky.

Anyway, two plants are never enough when you’re in the grip of gardening fever and your yard suddenly seems to be trying to spite you with its overall ugliness. So yesterday I returned to the nursery (actually nurseries…I admit, I went to TWO) and loaded up on more plants that will probably hate my back yard. Then today I got up early and began to plant.

And dig. And plant. And dig. And plant.

And let me tell you. Tomorrow? I will not be able to bend at the knees. I am sunburned, my legs and back ache, and I’m kind of tipsy, because I’m trying this new alcoholic beverage called “Peels,” which is “all natural” and made from real blueberry and pomegranate juice. So I may be drunk, but at least I’ll be a healthy drunk. I think it’s a rule that you have to drink something alcoholic after a full day of yardwork.

Tomorrow we’re going back to the nursery to load up on more plants. I’m getting J into the act, too. Summon the digging gods my darling, because you’ll need them tomorrow. Heh-heh. (That was supposed to be an evil laugh.) Because dudes, I discovered the neatest little tool at Better Homes & Gardens online. You can design your own garden plan. It's like the Sims meets Rollercoaster Tycoon but personalized. It's also way better than Bejeweled, which was like crack to me for a few weeks in February.

Also, last night we saw the X-Men movie. Some girls behind us actually laughed at the Mountain Dew commercial that aired before the previews. Then I started to worry; if I laughed at the same parts these girls laughed at later, would this mean I am in a persistent vegetative state and J is one step closer to a singles cruise paid for with my life insurance?

Wow. I guess I do have vegetables on the brain.

Have a great weekend everyone. I hope I can lift my hands to the keyboard again on Monday to type a new entry. I’ll post pictures of our green thumbery if things go okay.

PS: There may be an ugly scene in the neighborhood if the ice cream truck doesn't stop playing The Entertainer while driving around and around our block. I'm just saying.

32 comments:

  1. OMG, the bush comment is great. Good luck with the greenery. I've killed everything I've ever tried to plant.

    Regarding the ice cream truck, ours often plays "Oh, Susannah!" I guess that's because we're in the South. Wanna trade?

    Must.find.Peels.

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  2. I don't even try to plant things in my backyard. I leave it to the pros (my gardener). All I do is tell Jose every month or two which areas need more stuff. Suits my (non)green thumb well.

    At X3, did you stay ALL THE WAY through the movie, all the way after the ending credits rolled? Please tell me you did.

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  3. I'd like a two year warranty on my bush. It was an azalea, you sicko. :)

    Garden stores are like crack dens to me. Around April I start to get the shakes. By the end of the month and into May I start visiting them every weekend, knowing that its too cool in Mass. to really plant anything. Its actually better that way, kind of like a recon mission. But sometimes I can't help myself and buy stuff just to feed my plant addiction. I don't even want to know how much money I've wasted on plants that I ultimately kill.

    I guess I'll have to start selling "favors" to maintain my habit.

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  4. ...oh the weekends just not right unless you hit at LEAST 3 nursery's. Happy Gardening.

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  5. Those Peels are SO good! I had to laugh at your title too.

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  6. ginamarina10:58 AM

    "Your bush is guaranteed for two years" ok, I must be in a mood, because that made me laugh...

    ^There was more at the end of the credits for X3?? Damn!

    And that goddamn ice cream truck - it comes to your neighborhood too? I hate that. I keep thinking he's some old pervert... but I haven't tried to find out just how much a "Big Event Malt Cup" is not - probably $5 =) Next time I get that song stuck in my head I'll think of you :o)

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  7. I SAW THOSE PEELS!!! Today in the grocery store I picked them up and read them ( also saw the cranberry peach which sounded DEEE-lightful) and thought - I so can not be drunk at 3 in the afternoon today. As I walked away from them. Were they as delicious as I imagined??

    And Epsom salts. In the tub. Soak. It will help your overused muscles.

    I also must admit laughing at the guarenteed bush. I mean, I do have the sense of humor of a 15 year old boy....

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  8. Wow. Gardening. That's how we know you don't have a child. I would only garden if I could drink and watch a movie at the same time. But, I'm a hell of a multi-tasker.

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  9. Good for you, getting out there and digging in the dirt.

    But I'm really commenting about your "all natural" alcoholic drink. Peels? I am intrigued? Also, it sounds sort of . . .gross. Is it?

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  10. Wait a minute - there's still ice cream trucks? I thought they were just a figment of my childhood imagination. Now you got me wantin some...

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  11. "I think it’s a rule that you have to drink something alcoholic after a full day of yardwork."

    This is one of the few rules I follow religiously, Jess. The problems only arise when "full day of yardwork" means I stop at 11 in the morning. Usually, I don't start until 11 in the morning, so it's not much of an issue, but let me tell you, that's one rule I love to follow.

    Adam

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  12. I commend you for gardening. I have a black thumb. I am the only person I know who can kill a cactus.

    Blueberry & Pom is my favorite combination. You MUST tell me where you found this loverly beverage.

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  13. Also I hope your bush doesn't die.


    ...


    BWAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, sorry I could not resist.

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  14. hehehe Bejeweled! I was addicted once. Never play Zuma it is worse!

    ARG! I so do not like the ice cream truck and the "music" either!

    Good Luck with the plants!

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  15. Mmmmm, ice cream! Sadly, we don't let our kids buy ice cream from the truck around here because the people scare us with their powder blue and rust '89 Dodge Caravan and their keeping the ice cream in ice chests and generally looking like extras from the cast of deliverance.

    I wish I had a green thumb, but I can barely remember to water my house plants, much less do things like plant, or weed, or go outside. Because it's hot. And I, myself am a delicate flower and will wilt.

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  16. Oh, the joys of gardening! We've been doing that a lot this year, too and with, I must say, much better results than last year. Here's hoping your efforts are successful as well--and that you live through the gardening-induced pain you may feel after all this.

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  17. I kill everything. Getting back to the earth is just well, dirty. Sometimes there are worms too.

    Have you checked to see if your ice cream truck guy is drunk? You hear stories ya know.

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  18. Butterfly bushes are so beautiful. And they actually attract butterflies...go figure.

    Hope you won't need a little Motrin and Aloe vera after sun lotion after all that!

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  19. Oy. Bring your planty self over to my house please. It's a pretty bad scene over here. Could use your help.

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  20. Glad to see you are spending your time gardening. That should keep you out of trouble. :)

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  21. Guaranteed bush? Oh, how high school and college boys would love to have such a guarantee...

    And the rule is that you must drink throughout a day of gardening, not just at the end.

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  22. "Your bush is guaranteed for two years." only two? Pffft. I want a guarentee for 20... and a trimmer. Hehe

    You should try the Peel's Cranberry Peach. It's the best of the four.

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  23. Now I have the Entertainer song stuck in my head. Thanks. I think I'll go eat a Missle (now called Big Stick), because we don't get an ice cream man around here.

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  24. Hey, just stopping by to say hey! Work over yet? And does that mean the real hard work begins!?!?

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  25. Healthy drunk! Hay-ull yeah! I haven't planed my garden either.

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  26. I feel so bad for the plants that I buy and kill. It's like premeditated murder. I frighten green things.

    Yard work is hard work and you rock gf.

    Alcohol is necessary for pretty much everything. Tired? Alcohol. Excited? Alcohol. Depressed? Alcohol. Yard Work? Alcohol. It's like um a cycle. Not sure what kind but after a drink or two I'm sure I'll figure it out.

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  27. If only we could replace Bush after two years.

    Sigh.

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  28. The bush comment is golden. I do have a question for you, have you planted dandelions in your yard as well? Do you realize what you're getting yourself into by planting a butterfly bush? Those suckers grow like weeds I tell you. Very pretty, but like weeds. Maybe it's a Seattle thing though.

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  29. Peels! Sounds like something even I could drink. You know, just to help me get to sleep at night.

    And that BHG tool is fabulous! I'm certainly in the mood to kill - I mean - plant some plants myself!

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  30. "Your bush is guaranteed for two years." oh boy, is there a dirty joke in there! maybe I'll get my bush insured too!

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  31. Seriously, we have the same ice cream truck in our neighborhood. Before The Entertainer though, it was the theme from Rocky so I'm counting my lucky stars.

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  32. Umm, since we don't have Peels in Canada (not that I've seen anyway), can I just say that it sounds like it may have been inspired by Pruno?

    But who cares, as long as it's good. And it gets you...umm, wasted.

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