How Does Your Garden Grow? Pretty Sh*tty, At the Moment

Lately I’ve been in a planty-kind of mood. So I stopped by our neighborhood nursery to buy some perennials that I’ll eventually kill from neglect and general mismanagement. To start out, I bought a purple coneflower and butterfly bush. After I paid for the vegetative booty and began to head for the car the cashier called out after me: “Ma’am?” She extended another receipt towards me. “Your bush is guaranteed for two years. Keep this in case it dies and we’ll replace it for free.”

Some days it’s like blogging manna just falls from the sky.

Anyway, two plants are never enough when you’re in the grip of gardening fever and your yard suddenly seems to be trying to spite you with its overall ugliness. So yesterday I returned to the nursery (actually nurseries…I admit, I went to TWO) and loaded up on more plants that will probably hate my back yard. Then today I got up early and began to plant.

And dig. And plant. And dig. And plant.

And let me tell you. Tomorrow? I will not be able to bend at the knees. I am sunburned, my legs and back ache, and I’m kind of tipsy, because I’m trying this new alcoholic beverage called “Peels,” which is “all natural” and made from real blueberry and pomegranate juice. So I may be drunk, but at least I’ll be a healthy drunk. I think it’s a rule that you have to drink something alcoholic after a full day of yardwork.

Tomorrow we’re going back to the nursery to load up on more plants. I’m getting J into the act, too. Summon the digging gods my darling, because you’ll need them tomorrow. Heh-heh. (That was supposed to be an evil laugh.) Because dudes, I discovered the neatest little tool at Better Homes & Gardens online. You can design your own garden plan. It's like the Sims meets Rollercoaster Tycoon but personalized. It's also way better than Bejeweled, which was like crack to me for a few weeks in February.

Also, last night we saw the X-Men movie. Some girls behind us actually laughed at the Mountain Dew commercial that aired before the previews. Then I started to worry; if I laughed at the same parts these girls laughed at later, would this mean I am in a persistent vegetative state and J is one step closer to a singles cruise paid for with my life insurance?

Wow. I guess I do have vegetables on the brain.

Have a great weekend everyone. I hope I can lift my hands to the keyboard again on Monday to type a new entry. I’ll post pictures of our green thumbery if things go okay.

PS: There may be an ugly scene in the neighborhood if the ice cream truck doesn't stop playing The Entertainer while driving around and around our block. I'm just saying.