Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Hold the phone, stop the presses, pause the DVD, reverse sun damage, halt memory loss!

Major news today. My editor is leaving HarperCollins for Random House. What does this mean for Riding with Larry Resnick? I’m not sure yet, but so far, it’s not good news for my digestive and nervous systems. I just got off the phone with my agent, and she’s in the process of sorting out our options. There’s a possibility that the book will stay at Harper, and there’s also a possibility that it will move with my editor to Random House. I don’t know what this means for the book’s publication date or format.

I. Am. Freaking. Out.

Okay. Deep breath. This is actually fairly common in publishing, I’m told. Editors change houses frequently; sometimes books and authors go with them, sometimes they don’t. I hope that I’ll continue to work with Jill, as I adore her. And I am incredibly lucky to have a terrific agent in my corner. I’ll let you know more as the situation develops. Or deteriorates. In the meantime, I will be arranging the following supplies on my desk: a paper bag, a vat of aspirin, a tub of TUMS, a case of whiskey, an MC Hammer CD (to remind myself that it could always be worse), and a framed picture of Tom Cruise (again, to remind myself that it could always be worse. I could be batshit crazy.).

Ah, what else. Oh, I sprained my ankle! Was I: a) rock climbing at High Cliff State Park; b) training for the Fox Cities marathon; c) assaulted by a gang of rough-and-tumble first graders at the park; or d) jumping three lousy feet from my stair-less back door onto our new driveway?

If you answered d), you win a prize! It’s an invisible gift certificate to TGI Fridays. Anyway, the ankle’s healing nicely, but it upset my plans for sharing a Very Special Blog Entry with you. I wanted to post some photos of graffiti recently spraypainted on an elderly couple’s garage, because I thought it would be entertaining and crime-fighting all at once. Unfortunately, I’ve had limited mobility for the last few days and haven’t made it to their end of the neighborhood.

Basically, one wall read “Ninjas of One!” and the other played canvas to a giant, top-heavy penis. The latter looks especially lovely next to the stained-glass angel hanging in a window. I still don’t know if the homeowners are aware of this recent burst of artistic tomfoolery, but I do know the city has arrested about five hooligans in connection with this latest rash of no-talent vandalism.

Speaking of tomfoolery, there was another incident of domestic violence across the street earlier this week. This time it involved vigorous shouting, slap-fighting, and chair-throwing between siblings and Dad on the deck, in full view of the general public. Months our new neighbors have lived in their home: three. Visits by the police in that timeframe: five.

Can I move now?

On a brighter note, last night I saw the cutest animal ever invented. A baby miniature pony. Seriously, it was so cute that tears actually welled in my eyes. I am still upset we didn’t have our camera with us.

And finally: 100 second-shifters at a cheese factory near my parents’ place recently won the $208 million Powerball jackpot. I love this! But I do feel for the first-shifters that weren’t in on the pool. (Including the parent of one of my childhood friends.) To dish how you would spend your lotto winnings, visit Eileen Cook's site.

Now, I'm off to nurse my angst-iety by looking at more photos of cute miniature ponies online.

38 comments:

  1. Oh my god what an amazing lottery story and I love the twee pony. I could keep it in my house.

    Good luck with the editor situation. I know it must be totally nerve wracking for you.

    PS I hope your ankle feels better soon. I once sprained mine jumping into the fountain at the Fernbank Natural History Museum in Atlanta.

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  2. All that whisky and horse cuteness pr0n and before you know it a quick edit will have Larry Resnick riding a minature pony.

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  3. I saw that lottery story on the news. damn. that kind of stuff never happens to me. I'd be happy to win a miniature baby pony at this point.

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  4. Put some frozen peas on the ankle, sip a margarita for the nerves and pop in a nice DVD for the hell of it.
    Love the baby mini pony. I love saying pony- only I always do it in like a Polish accent- from the Seinfeld episode. "I had a pony. In Poland EVERYBODY had pony. I loved my pony."

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  5. The bad thing about the powerball thing is now the second shifters will all quit and the first shifters will have to do all their work. :)

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  6. Y'all aren't taking the miniature horses seriously. They're horses! They're not ponies! Dammit...

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  7. Oh my gosh, I'd be freaking out too. If I had an Editor. Or a book deal. Which I don't. Yet. (sticking out tongue at you) Seriously though...I can only imagine how stressful that must be. Best of luck whatever the outcome. I'm seriously dying to read that book.

    Sorry about the ankle too. I once sprained mine falling off of my platform Keds. Yeah. I've got grace to spare. Stay off of it! I can tell you from experience that the more you try to hobble around on it, the longer it will take to heal. I bet it's a lovely shade(s) of purple. ;?)

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  8. Everything will be fine with Larry! He will live to share his kidney and his story!!!!

    Can you come out and play with me and Swish Sept 16? Pleeeeeeasse huh canya, huh, pleeeeease! Say yes, come on, we need to get together and play and have some fun and drink some martinis as big as our heads! (I was gonna say as big as my ass, but then we'd be totally, totally wasted then!!!

    xo

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  9. I am sure one way or another your book will be totally ok .... still completely warranted a freak out though!

    OUCH hope your ankle heals...those ponies are cute!

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  10. Take deep breath, have an old fashion (Parnell's makes some great ones) and pop in Veronica Mars. Oh wait, I have the library's copy.

    From what I've heard too, moving is the norm. Since Jill loved it, I'm sure it will happen.

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  11. ooooh, I want a miniature pony too! how cute is that!

    the ankle twisting thing sounds like something I'd do. I always hurt myself doing the stupidest shit!

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  12. Yikers! I'd be freaked, too.

    But I'm sure it's all gonna work out. You're just too damn close for it not to.

    Oh, and sorry to hear about the ankle-- though I had to laugh at the cause.

    Almost as bad as my "frisbee" accident years ago. While attempting to play frisbee (I've never been able to master the proper flick of the wrist), I had to stop for a pee break. Instead of climbing the two short flights of stairs leading to the restrooms, I opted to trot up the handicap ramp.

    I slipped.

    On the handicap ramp.

    Tore a muscle fiber in my right calf. Spent several weeks on crutches, and then nearly a month after that hobbling about on a cane...

    I was 26 at the time.

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  13. Yeah come out and play! PUHHHHLEASE?!??!

    Sucks about the editor thing (AND the ankle!) I'd be freaking out, too, but don't worry--it'll all work out fine.

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  14. Geez, I'm developing an ulcer for you!!! Either way, I'm buying your book when it comes out. :) Cheers!

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  15. That's awful! I'm completely having empathy stomach cramps over here for you. I hope it all gets straightened out soon. In the meantime, have a drink and try to do something relaxing.

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  16. *Sending good wishes your way that the publishing thing works out for the best for you*

    I am thinking, either that pony is REALLY small, or that is one big dog! He is certainly big enough to ride.

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  17. Holy CRAP that is the cutest thing I've ever seen. This is the most awesome post because you used the words "MC Hammer", "tomfoolery" and "top-heavy penis" all together. Imagine the Google hits on this one!

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  18. I can feel your anxiety over the editor jumping publishing houses. Hopefully, it will all work out in your favor. I like to be fatalistic about things and pretend that everything happens for a reason - a good one. So, that's what I'm hoping for this big change. Keep cool - it'll all be fine......

    Hi from Milwaukee, the drunkest city in the U.S. (Yay for us!...I think.)

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  19. Ooooh, that editor news would freak me out too. Appendages crossed that you have nothing to worry about. Especially with all the nonsense across the street and the ankle. And that baby miniature pony I sent you via FedEx.

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  20. It’s an invisible gift certificate to TGI Fridays

    lololol

    I hope your ankle is better soon and that you get some good news about the book :)

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  21. Ok, I'm sure Jill is a great person and all, but did she even BOTHER to ask you first? Some people are just so selfish ;-)

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  22. Regarding the book..ACK! Regarding the mineature horses...WAY too cute. The one in that picture looks like Misty. :)

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  23. I don't entirely understand the politics and downsides of switching...but hey, it's Random House right? It's not like it's "indie publishing house in my uncle's basement."

    Right?

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  24. Hugs on the editor switch and the sprained ankle. That stinks. I hope you find out soon about what it will do to your book, and that the news will be good.

    The pony is so adorable my chest ached. Try not to do that again, please. Thank you.

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  25. I have fucked up my ankles more than I care to think about. It sucks donkey ass gelatin.

    And maybe this means you will get a bigger and brighter editor? Maybe?

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  26. Oh Jess, I'm so sorry to hear of your troubles!! But I think MC Hammer is on his way up in the world. He has a blog you know...http://mchammer.blogspot.com/

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  27. OMG! I would be freaking. Of course, if I even had a book worth publishing I'd be freaking, too. Hope everything works out for you.

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  28. Dude, I sprained my ankle jumping over a two foot shrub and I thought I might die. It was so painful and it turned more colours than a bloody rainbow. I hope you're feeling better.

    And I hope the editor situation ends up not being too stressful for you! Yikes.

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  29. Jess, I'm sending you positive vibes for the transition of your editor over to Random...

    On another note, I am DYING with laughter over the "top-heavy penis" being spray-painted right next to an angel hanging in the window!!! good lord...and those other neighbors??? Can I come visit for a while and just hang out with you watching them? Well, at least I get to read about them here, the 2nd best thing! :)

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  30. I'm sending you lots of invisible platitudes. And platypuses (also called platypi). I noticed them when I checked my spelling of platitude and I thought that they were almost as cute as the miniature pony.

    Seriously, I'm sure it will all turn out all right. (Shoot, no matter how sincere I feel, it looks platitudinous.)

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  31. Oh God I had heart palpatations just thinking about your editor story. Is there no end to the publishing rollercoaster? Keep us posted.

    ooh sorry about the ankle. If it makes you feel better I broke a finger when I fell over an atom sized piece of stone. I swear- I just went down and snapped the pinky. You don't look very tough with a wrapped pinky.

    Lastly- thanks for the link!

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  32. Wha?? Okay...it's been 5 days since this post - update, update!

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  33. You should put a picture of me on your desk. I can barely write a blog entry, let alone a book anyone would want to publish.

    Seriously, though, everything will work out fine with your book. If you ever do a book signing in Louisville, Ky I'll attend.

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  34. Jess ~ Let me know if you get that "HALT MEMORY LOSS" thing going will you? ~ jb///

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  35. Hi Jess,
    I saw your comment over at Izzy's site about men doing housework being sexy. That's exactly the same type of comment left by several readers of this article over at To Love, Honor and Dismay. I thought you might enjoy it.

    Have a great one!
    Andrew

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  36. Boy, that Andrew guy -- he gets around.

    Sorry to hear about the stress surrounding your book. (Well, not that the book caused the stress...) Anyway, I will keep my fingers crossed for you.

    I do want to know what that dog is about to do to the miniature pony. Looks like he kind of thinks it might be lunch.

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  37. Could be worse, hon. You could have NO agent, NO editor and NO miniature ponies to get teary-eyed over!

    And if it makes you feel even better, I was a competitive rock climber for 10 years, and what scars on my arms do people constantly ask about? The ones from when I climbed a thin face crack on a route that took 3 days to complete? If only. No one even NOTICES those. Instead, people ask about the gaping scars made by a wayward palo verde tree in my front yard. Sigh.

    Sounds like life is good for you...even if it is a little unsettled.

    Best to you!

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