Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Hawkenfighten

This weekend as I was engaging in one of my more retiree-oriented hobbies (filling a bird feeder), I observed a tiny red-breasted nuthatch snacking away on peanuts eight feet from where I stood. He was adorable and fairly tame, so I was kind of bummed when a sharp-shinned hawk swooped down from my neighbor’s tree and snatched him, flying just three feet from my face.

It’s a good thing I wasn’t wearing my San Diego Chicken mask.

Still, seeing such a skilled predator in action was exciting. Especially since we live on a city lot the size of a carpet sample. Although next time, Mrs. Hawk? I suggest the highly snackable house sparrow instead. I hear they taste like popcorn. Or, if you want something meatier, try a starling casserole.

There’s no way I can segue from that, so I’ll just jump right into my next topic. There is a restaurant in Milwaukee that has lately gained a very negative reputation—perhaps because within a recent two-month timeframe, police were called to the location something like 18 times. Primarily due to auto-related incidents (theft, accidents, and vandalism), although fighting in the restaurant was also a major cause of police visits. One of these fights involved forty people grappling and throwing plates, silverware, chairs, and punches. Things have gotten so bad that a city alderman is campaigning to shut down the restaurant entirely.

You’d think that this restaurant is of the George Webb-strain, serving omelettes and pancakes to drunk patrons at 3 in the morning, right?

Wrong. Can you guess what this restaurant is? If you know, leave it in the comments. No fair Googling. If nobody guesses correctly, I’ll post the answer by tomorrow.

24 comments:

  1. McDonalds? No, wait, they don't have silverwear or plates and their chairs are bolted to the ground. Chuck-E-Cheese or some other kid friendly joint?

    P.S. Poor nuthatch!

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  2. Who knew Wisconsin was such a dangerous place???

    A friend of mine has two daughters who recently acquired a pair of very noisy parakeets. I think he'd pay good money for your hawk friend's contact info...

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  3. Oh my, I cheated and googled, but holy crap what an article the JS has!! Sometimes I'm very glad I have no children =)

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  4. Anonymous1:52 PM

    Jenny rough cheated but pretended not to.

    What a funny story!:) So glad I don't live there anymore.

    Who knew it got so out of control.

    It's becoming Detroit-West.

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  5. I have two guesses: Chuck E. Cheese, "where a kid can be a kid"--although I think they use paperplates and plasticware. Or Cracker Barrel. They're always having problems with racism. I'm not sure why black folks want to eat at a restaurant with "Cracker" in the name, but whatever.

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  6. Wait... It WAS Chuckie Cheese? No way! Alright, now I have to go google the article. What is wrong with people? The other day a fight broke out at the park next to my Mom's house between two coaches. One coach kicked a 11/12 yr old player and the other coach retaliated by punching him in the mouth with a chain wrapped around his hand. Then everyone else got into it.

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  7. Yes, it was Chuck E. Cheese.

    I believe the fight occurred as a result of a dispute over whose turn it was to use a game.

    I wonder if there have been any big fights at Disneyworld or Disneyland...

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  8. Well that's all fine and dandy, but they better not be serving foie gras.

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  9. Oh. I just read all the comments... I'm guessing there'd be a few more barfing episodes in the ball pit if foie gras was served.

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  10. The Chuck E. Cheeses in my 'hood all seem to be located in those Malls That Time Forgot, the ones where all the good stores are gone and half the buildings are vacant. No wonder crime follows!

    Why do hawks only want the pretty birds? I've spent the last two weeks watching the starlings beat up the sparrows and haven't seen one damn goldfinch (or other songbird). At least I'm not getting pigeons ...

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  11. Anonymous7:01 PM

    Unbelievahillybilly! Chuck E Cheese? Who'd a thunk it?

    I love on a carpet sample lot..with pre-pre-retirement birdfeeders...and have never seen such excitement! I'd have mixed feelings. Cool! But why the nuthatch? (Or worse a goldfinch.)

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  12. Anonymous7:02 PM

    Hmmm...reading my comment...was that a true Freudian slip or what?

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  13. I'm so glad I have another reason NOT to go to Chuck E Cheee's. I mean, beyond the crappy, greasy pizza, load of plastic junk prizes and ADHD inducing atmosphere.

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  14. You mean Chucking Cheese?

    Somebody stop me.

    (p.s. loved your fart comment)

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  15. You're right, sparrows DO taste like popcorn! Mmmmm.

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  16. I have been to enough Chuck E. Cheese's to need meds. It doesn't surprise me at all that things like this would go on in there. It's so crazy, it is a wonder that all the kids don't just fall down and have seizures.

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  17. Well, living here in Brew City, I knew that it was Chuck E. Cheese. What cracked me up was discussing this with some of my "mom friends." I mentioned that the alcohol that they served likely added to the troubles. One of my friends replied: "Yeah, but that's the only thing that makes that place tolerable!"

    I'm so glad my kids are too old for the Cheese.

    Hi from dangerous down under....

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  18. I knew there was a reason I went to Chucky Cheese once and never went back. Damned hawk!

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  19. Wow, that's insane- I had no idea Chuck E. Cheese had such a dark side.

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  20. The energy in every Chuck E. Cheese establishment I've ever been to is somewhere between "frenzy" and "riot" - so I actually find this story very believable. Sad...but believable.

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  21. Of course it was Chuck E. Gateway to Hell Cheese. My next guess would have been Cracker Barrel (you have that where you live, don't you?).

    I keep telling my kids that Chuck E. Cheese burned down - forever.

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  22. My first guess would be my house, but I don't live in Wisconsin. Also, I don't allow any of my silverware to be thrown. I have my standards.

    My second guess is a coffee shop where seniors gather to chow down on those sunrise specials or whatever they're called. I guess I should find out since I'll be ordering them soon.

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  23. I do not find it at ALL hard to believe it was Chuck E. Cheese. That place is a fight waiting to happen at all hours of every day. "Hey you! Asshole! It was MY kid's turn at the skee ball! Yeah, get out of the way, motherfucker!" And so on.

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  24. We have a bald eagle that likes to sit on our garage and it watches my two tiny dogs in a way that makes me most nervous.

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