Does Grandma Read my Blog?

Last week I discussed my Easter plans, which involve drinking with my elderly relatives to celebrate clearing a major grant hurdle at work. Then, wouldn’t you know it? My Grandma, who has called me on the phone perhaps a grand total of five times in my life, called on Sunday to ask if I could bring something to the family Easter potluck. Spring-like dishes flashed before my eyes: a lovely salad of wild greens and a zippy vinaigrette, a light pasta salad with maybe some artichoke hearts and black olives, a tangy bruschetta appetizer with fresh basil …

Grandma didn’t miss a beat. “How about a nice bottle of wine?”

HA! My grandmother rules. Did I call it or what?

Here’s something else: We got our latest bill from the contractor. Would you believe me if I told you the invoice was number 666? Well, it really was.

I guess this means it’s time to move if the walls start seeping black ectoplasm, or I wake up to Jason sucking helium and shouting RedRum, RedRum! in the mirror, inching his index finger.

My mind is still too grant-addled to write much, having just stumbled over the finish line for a 22-page, single-spaced proposal (and gearing up to create an additional fifty pages of attachments). But how about some nice pictures?

Oh, and PS, special message to the Wisconsin Weather: It is now officially spring. So please quit with the freezing temps already. Hello, have you not seen the robins on local lawns? Have you not realized my seedlings are threatening to leap from their pots and overtake the house, strangling me in my sleep with their light-starved tendrils?

We attack before dawn...

So still...so quiet...

Peppers: "We're watching you, Plant Lady."
Mexican Sunflower: "Do you see how large our leaves have become?
Do you see how perfect for smothering a mouth, muffling any ... screams?"

Squirrel living in the box elder on our front lawn: "I'm watching you too.
And I'm maniacally rubbing my leetle paws together in creepy-style. Trust me."

Daisy: "I just want some pizza. Can I have some pizza? I love pepperoni. And walks. Hey, can I have that last bite of pizza? How about just one pepperoni? Look, I'm turning orange I want it so badly. Please? Just one crumb of pizzaaaa pleeeeeeeeze?????!!!"

Daisy is wearing a prosthetic voicebox due to an unfortunate puppyhood spent smoking Camel Straights. Kids, let this be a lesson to you.

(It's really a bark collar, but one that sprays compressed air. And this sucker works, when we feel unguilty enough to actually leave the albatross around her neck.)