Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Two more weeks ... Two more weeks ...

Shhhh…that wheezing….do you hear it? That’s me, coming up for air from a work project from the filthy bowels of hell. It’s actually a well-intended and important project, meant to reduce binge-drinking in my county. However, the thunderous amount of tedious writing is making me want to binge-drink in the worst way. It looks like I'm in for 12-hour days and weekends at the office for another two weeks, unfortunately.

Guess who’s getting drunk on Easter?

That’s right. My elderly relatives.

And me.

Meanwhile, my personal life has become a hairball coughed up by Satan. Which is to say, not anything to be desired, and highly unattractive. Case in point: over the weekend, I actually said this to J: “Oooh! Tell me when it’s two o’clock. I want to watch Victory Garden on PBS.”

(Hmmm…something tells me the Lillian Vernon people were on to something by adding me to their mailing list.) Anyway, I related this “funny” anecdote to my brother, and he called me a loser. I replied, “I know you are but what am I!” and then punched him in the thorax.

Okay, I didn’t punch him, or say that. But I wanted to.

Also, there is book news! I spoke with my editor last week. The new contract is being finalized, and we’re looking at a tentative release in June of 2008 as a Ballantine trade paperback. I. Can’t. Wait.

In the meantime, when I’m not weeping with frustration at the office, I’m working on the next book.

In my free time.

Hahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!! Free time! *sigh* Sometimes I just crack myself up.

And before I forget, have you noticed just how many people are now appending their statements with “You know what I mean?” or “Do you know what I’m saying?” It’s becoming insidious. Stop this infernal trend now, before it’s too late!

Well, I best get back to work. That mile-high stack of paperwork in 8 point font isn’t going to analyze itself.

You know what I mean?


  1. You punched him in the THORAX!?

    You either have a really huge hand or your brother is a bug.

  2. Are you going to give us the opportunity to buy a signed copy of your book?

  3. AC: in this case, thorax means chest cavity. That would have been something, if it had happened.

    Tink: of course! (I still can't believe I can even type this sort of thing.)

  4. Hah! Binge drinking because of the binge drinking project. I love it.

    Cool on the book! You are gonna be sooooooo famous you'll forget about all of us little people.

    Oh, and I hate that, "Do you know what I mean?" It's implied in a conversation. It doesn't need to be said. AUGGGGGGGGGGH.

  5. Jess -- You sound overworked and overwhelmed and I'm sooooo glad, cause your harried state 'speaks to me' in a big way!!!

    I feel like my nose is barely above the water line these days.
    I have a book out in ... see?! I can't even count the #$%@ days! Soon, a book is coming out soon.

    Right now, though, I think I could easily join you and your relatives for a few strong drinks!

  6. I certainly hope I'm on your mailing list when your book tour comes to L.A.

    I mean, like, do you know what I'm saying?

  7. Can't wait to read your book. And yes, women in general are harried!!!! But letting loose with some drinking should do the trick to relax you;)) Have fun.

  8. gorillabuns10:28 PM

    guilty as charged.

    i hope that makes sense....

  9. I totally know what you're saying. Know what I'm sayin'?

  10. Satan's hairball... I love that.

    And is binge drinking in your county such an epidemic, really? I guess in the winter when there's not much else to do? Is teen pregnancy also a problem?

  11. Heya. I need your email if you want to see a picture of my family ring. Not an engagement one unfortunately. ;)


  12. I think I'd rather hear "You know what I mean?" or "Do you know what I'm saying?" as opposed to the ridiculous Wisconsin habit of adding the word "hey" to the end of sentences. You know what I mean?

    Glad to hear there's a firm date on the book so that I know when to camp outside of Barnes & Noble.

    Don't work too hard - really.

  13. Thanks for clearing up that Thorax thing. When I first read it, I thought it meant you punched a Dr. Suess character. And that would have been totally uncalled for.

  14. Hair ball...Satan...hahahahaha
    and here I thought they were due to my cats!
    Free time.
    Congrats re: the release date.

  15. hairball...satan...imagined violence toward brother...

    What is not to love about this post?

  16. I agree with redneck mommy. Every sentence with you is a zinger. Do you know what I'm sayin?

  17. Satan's hairball. heh. And yay for getting drunk!

    Reading about your book releases and book projects makes me feel woefully inadequate. I need to get cracking on my own, dammit. Probably means I need to write. And have an agent.

  18. Wow, what a combo: a release date, Easter, and alchohol! You can't lose--now's the time to try for that Jen Weiner blurb!

  19. jamie ford3:30 PM

    Easter. Binge boozin'. Passover. Pass-out. You say tomato...

  20. I'm peeing my pants over the book news. Yours may be the first fiction book I purchase in the 21st century.

    I see nothing wrong with watching Victory Garden. I'm frankly impressed that you're so dedicated to the beautification of your yard.

    And I could go on for days about the bastardization of the English language - both spoken and written - but why bother when Lynne Truss has already done it for me?

  21. Oh g'wan...you stop impressing us with all your fancy accomplishments and writing gigs and book deals. Right this instant.

    (SO happy for you!)

  22. I'm dying to read it! Or mabe I'm just dying. Sometimes I get those two things confused.

  23. Working at work? Didn't you read the slacker code? Working is for HOME, when you can sigh loudly about how much work you have to do.

    Or, maybe that's just me.

    Either way, 8-point fonts are the work of the devil himself. go 12-point if you have any say in the matter, and feel the weight lift.

  24. surcie6:57 PM

    OMG, the Lillian Vernon mailing list. So funny, Jess.

    I can't wait to read your book. (How many times have I said that?)

  25. You deserve a long vacation! Good luck with your stack of paperwork :-)

  26. Proof positive that Satan Hisself is a cat.

    /loves cats
    //this post too
    ///That is all. Carry on.

  27. Have fun drinking with the elderly relatives...
    Seems like a well deserved binge...
    And hopefully no one tempts you to punch them in the thorax...(as maybe this time you will!)

  28. You might like that garden show, but have you seen that Cake Challenge on Food Network, 5 pm Saturdays. It rocks !!! I just wish I could put my hand into the TV and grab a big old pile of cake to eat when it's over!

  29. Do we have the same relatives? Because, if so, that would make sense.

    And another thing that has permeated our speech? "That being said..." Yeah fucker, we know...'cause you just SAID it.