Red Tag Sale

Susan has tagged me. I don’t know how I’m going to top the other time I did the Seven Random Things MEME (which actually turned into thirteen random things the first time I wrote it), because how do you top dino-turd ass bling?

You don’t, that’s how. But I guess if I squint really hard and imagine a world in which it’s possible for me to feel creative a week before Christmas, I would come up with these seven random things about me:

1. Whenever a digital clock reads 11:11 or 12:34, I make a wish. And then somewhere in Toronto, a kitten dies.
2. Fake banana flavor anything should not only be outlawed, it should be driven from the farthest reaches of the universe by an angry, shouting mob bearing pitchforks and flaming torches. (Clarence: “I would like … a flaming rum punch!”)
3. My funny little OCD twitch: I count the edges of things...shapes in rooms, traffic signs, you name it, I’ve probably tried to mentally catalogue and organize it. I usually am unaware that I’m doing it.
4. Oh! A variant on my OCD. OCD Part Deux: if someone (read: a cruel, cruel life partner) intentionally messes up my eyebrows (to torture me), I must smooth them back to some semblance of order. It is a compulsion. If someone (read: that same cruel, cruel life partner) holds my arms at my sides to prevent me from returning my eyebrows to a state of order, I will turn red and smoke will begin to curl from my ears because if I am unable to smooth my wayward brows back into place, my face might melt and a nuclear warhead in Kansas will become armed. This same compulsion can be applied to straightening pictures that hang slightly askew on the wall, fixing the dog’s hair when ‘someone’ has given her a Mohawk, and arranging a cheese tray for a buffet.
5. The three wooden reindeer nestled amidst my pre-lit pine swag atop the bookcase to my left were hand-carved by inmates in the prison I used to work at. And yes, Virginia, I got them for cost.
6. I am a compulsive hangnail puller, picker, and chewer. Scary movie? Terrifying meeting on deck for the day? Contemplation of a world without artisinal cheese? Just go ahead and call me meatball fingers.
7. When I was seven, what I wanted more than anything in the world was a black and white pinto named … ‘Tip-Tip.’ Later, I would desire a tabby kitten named “Bottom-Bottom,” and a Golden Retriever puppy named “Side-Side.” ... This is actually a bad joke.

Next week, a special holiday treat for you: fall semester student journal entries from Everyone’s Favorite Professor! I can hardly stand it, I’m so excited. In the meantime, I will be figuring out how to use my new iPod and digital camera. (Whee! New-fangled architectural fancy machines!) Also, there are uncorrected galleys of Driving Sideways awaiting proofing on my kitchen table. (I know what some-body will be doing the day after Christmas!)