The Wedding of Mr. and Mrs. and Their Personable Offspring

My sister got married at my parents' home about a month ago, and it's taken me THIS LONG to post about it, because I am easily distracted by neighborhood penis splittings and stolen baby bunnies. Or maybe because there were so many beautiful photos, I just couldn't decide which to post? Let's go with the latter excuse. So here is a photo essay of the day.

The groom and his father share a moment before the ceremony. The guy sitting to the groom's left is his bodyguard. More on this later.

Guests begin to arrive, and small children in brightly-colored shoes twirl about. They were paid handsomely to do so, as part of the pre-festivities entertainment.

Ah! A familiar little face. Why so contemplative? Perhaps because your hair is askew, just a tiny bit?

Grandpa can help with that. Grandpas are the best hairstylists around.

The ceremony begins, and a small man in linen pants and a straw hat approaches.

Wait a minute....just what the hell is going on here, anyway?

Mom? I'd like you to dismiss these strangers so I can have nursies.

Purple and blue petals rain from the sky as the happy couple walks down the aisle. Small man in straw hat could care less.

In the tent, each guest is delighted to discover they have, at minimum, one bottle of wine each.

Particularly the elderly. Rumor has it they chugged the champagne before, during, and after the toasts.

In a touching moment, I read a selection of the bride's favorite dirty limericks.

Later, the aunts, cousin, and mother of the bride sing the limericks in six-part harmony. Acappella.

Remember how I said the groom needs a bodyguard? It is because he and his father made the desserts: almondy financiers, baklava, flourless chocolate cake, carrot cakes ... with culinary skills like this, kidnapping is a very real threat.

Don't tell my parents I'm stuffing baklava into my pie hole behind the woodshed, 'K? I may need some Benadryl to get to sleep tonight, just so you know.

And they lived happily ever after.

Because they were "Just Mareed."