Wednesday, February 28, 2007

The Good, The Bad, and The Boring

The good news is that Jason seems to be back to normal, and I am in no imminent danger of becoming a widow. (Thank you everyone who wished him well!)

The bad news is that I’m an Xbox widow again, effective immediately.

The good news is that we received a lovely snowdump this weekend; everything looks draped in marshmallows, which can be delicious in hot cocoa.

The bad news is that I threw my back out shoveling. AGAIN.

The good news is that we installed a snazzy and efficient tankless water heater.

The bad news is that it cost twice as much as the original bid.

Even more bad news: every time I now run hot water, Daisy goes bananas barking at the clicking noises made by the heater. (She believes that a mouse, bird, or animatronic biscuit live in the heater housing.) When I demand water, Daisy demands to know what kind of monster has taken up residence in the new metal box on the wall.

She will be asleep on our bed upstairs and if I wash my hands downstairs, the faint clicking from the interior heat mechanism in a small metal unit an entire floor below will lead her to vault from the bed (waking up in mid-air), dash down the stairs at top speed, barking all the way, and spin in circles beneath the water heater, growling and shriek-barking as only a Cairn Terrier can.

The same results occur when you:

  • Throw a load of whites in the washer.
  • Do the dishes.
  • Take a shower.
  • Fill a pot with hot water.

I’m going to try to upload a photo of her frenzied assault on the water heater tonight. In the meantime, I will be sitting very still (so as to not disturb my lower back) while I explore the cumbersome registration process for online grant submission, trying not to bash my head on the keyboard in frustration. If you’d like to send a rescue team for my soul, please feel free.


  1. I just love that everything startles dogs, everything requires investigation. Daisy sounds like a riot. Dave Barry once wrote a column about his dog running outside because the paper had come! And there was grass to smell! And people to watch! And all so exciting, even though he had done and seen the exact same thing yesterday! (Look it up; I cannot do it justice.)

  2. Very glad to hear that Jason is doing well.

    Very sorry to hear about your back. I usually throw mine out while sneezing, which is just embarassing...especially if I'm naked in public.

    And Daisy? We have a Jack Russel/Chihuahua mix. Yeah, Janis Joplin meets Robin Williams meets Carrot Top. Try a taser gun.

  3. Don't worry, Daisy should get used to the animatronic biscuit - in a few years.

  4. So glad about Jason, sorry about your back, and dogs....well, I do not have them. 4 kids are about all I can handle these days. Good luck.

  5. Xbox widow--LOL

    I love the vision of the marshmallow draped yard!

  6. My husband is slightly older than the video-game generation, so no Xbox worries here (except the kids--have you seen Gears of War?).

    No dog worries either, though we have cats a-plenty and have had dogs in the past.

    And no snow worries! In fact, trees are in bud down here.

    So all you need is to dump hubbie and pooch and move south, and you will no longer fear for your soul. How hard is that? :-)

  7. One of our cats tried to whack the on-demand water heater off the wall for about a month, while the other apparently "held it" for the same month because (as far as we know) she refused to go down into the basement for at least that long. Do try to get a picture of her in mid-attack.

  8. We've been thinking about getting one of those tankless thingeys. We don't have a dog (yet) so we may be safe.

    Just read your harrowing post about your husband in the ER. Good gawd! Glad he's okay, and happily XBox'ing again...

  9. gorillabuns9:40 PM

    how scary about your husband. i can't imagine how i would react if my husband had these symptoms. since i play a doctor on tv, not in real life, i would have totally deduced a life threatening disease in which he would have to prostitute himself in a form of a gorillabuns telethon on t.v. to pay our bills. this due to the fact, i can't handle stress and hate it when people are sick, i would be in the corner drooling from the stress of it all.

  10. The bad news is that I'm not allowed to have video games for that very reason.

    The good news is that I am allowed to bark at the water heater. Tankless or not.

  11. After listening to the same dishwasher for years, my dog went nuts one night when we turned it on. And has every time since. What's up with that??

  12. Poor, poor tortured Daisy. Why are dogs so bizarre? You need to get her in action! At the beginning of spring one year, I brought a lawn chair out from storage and set it on the patio. My cocker spaniel stopped dead in her tracks when she saw that chair and went ballistic on it...

    Poor you, too. I hope your back gets better and you regain your sanity.

  13. I'm a satellite widow...let's ditch our husbands and congregate over chocolate cake and wine.

    Your poor back, and your poor dog. I can see how the clicking would drive her crazy, and how her going crazy would drive you crazy. Quite a vicious circle, that.

  14. I think this means that effective immediately you will have to hire a maid - for Daisy's well-being, of course. And because you're on the cusp of becoming a best-selling, world-renowned writer.

    Hi Jess. I'm just stepping back into the blogosphere after a break. Hope you're well. And hope this ridiculous snow stops before June. Think it ever will? I have my doubts.


  15. I love a woman who is able to see the positive side to everything :)

    I've been a bit behind on my blog reading...I just read your last post. I am so glad to hear your husband is going to be alright.

  16. "A rescue team for my soul"--what a concept! Maybe someone should start a business--with 24 hour service of course. The off hours are always when we need it most. Great post!

  17. Wonderful news about Jason.
    Spring HAS to be on its way- it's been a crazy winter.
    Miss Daisy needs a companion, maybe? OR a hobby- to keep her mind off the offenending hot water heater.

  18. 1. I am so glad that you are no longer in danger if becoming a real widow.

    2. I feel your pain as an Xbox widow - I'm a WII widow, and they're much the same thing.