I have to say, Vampire Weekend may just be my new favorite band. And the opening act? A dude named Yacht? Think “Anthony Michael Hall in the gym dance scene from Sixteen Candles” meets “Beck.” I started out a little embarrassed on his behalf, but he won me over with his trancey beats and his strange gymnastics routines and then his Q & A with the audience. (“What’s your favorite color?” “Seafoam GREEN.”) And then we had to all shout who would win in a fight, a pirate or a ninja. I tell you, I haven’t had that much fun since the Great Earwig Battle of 2007.
Yacht will be in at Studio B in Brooklyn next Wednesday, if you happen to live in Brooklyn. And I shall be at the Waupun Public Library next Wednesday, speaking about all things writing and book-related. Stop by and join us if you’re so inclined! There will be a Q & A, but I won’t be dancing like I have 7,495 volts of electricity coursing through me. I won’t be jumping rope with the microphone, either. Unless people really want me to. It depends.
So here are a few things that have been bugging me lately:
My favorite grocery store and my favorite chocolatier are both closing in the next month and a half. The candy shop is run by two cute little old ladies with diabetes, which is sad because they can’t eat the really good stuff they make. (Best. Chocolate-covered. Malted Milk Balls. Ever. Wait. Is that what you call them? Malted milk balls? Really? That doesn’t sound right. That just sounds pervy and weird.) I will also miss my favorite bag boy, Jared 2.0. Who will make fun of my strange purchases and canvas bags now?!?!
Oh wait. Just about everyone.
Here’s something else:
When will I finally call to make appointments for a much needed oil change and hair cut? Not together, the oil change is for my car and the hair cut is for my head, but you know? How hard is it to pick up the phone and make an appointment? Do I just keep forgetting? Will I find myself broken down on the side of the highway next month, my engine billowing smoke, my hair so long and unruly that it is actually impeding my ability to phone for help?
I am upset that Saved by the Bell and 90210 were the shows I had to ‘grow up with.’ Same graduation year and everything.
If the kids on those shows weren’t fictional and hadn’t already graduated ten years earlier. Luke Perry, I’m looking at you!
I am upset that the Homecoming and Prom songs I had to deal with in high school included “Love of a Lifetime” and “Heaven” by Warrant and “High Enough” by Damn Yankees and “When I See You Smile” by Bad English. I also think “I’ll Never Let You Go (Angel Eyes)” was in the mix, too.
No, wait. I am not actually upset by that. I am HORRIFIED.
So what’s been bugging you lately?
On Edit a Day Later: Alright. Yeah, I've had a glass of wine. So I'm going to tell you what's really been bugging me. What's really been bugging me is that a prostitute--a homeless, six-months pregnant prostitute in a blue poncho--approached my sister in the rain the other night, asking for help. My sister had just returned home from her job at the Boys & Girls Club, eager to get back to her beautiful seven months-old baby boy.
"Are you really pregnant?" my sister asked warily.
The woman lifted up her poncho. She was indeed.
"Have you had any prenatal care?"
My sister gave the woman all the money she had. "I'm so sorry, but I need to get upstairs to my own baby," she said.
The woman in the poncho softened. "A boy or a girl?"
"Did it hurt when you had him?"
Scared, pregnant, homeless, penniless, pregnant. And who knows what became of her. "How can we as a society have failed our most vulnerable like that?" my sister asked me just an hour after it happened.
I dreamed of that pregnant woman that night. And it's been bugging me ever since.