Lady (Not) in Red Has a Garden

First, a plea: I need a red cocktail dress, and I can't find one ANYWHERE. I went to every store at the local mall that even entertains the idea of selling decent dresses and found ONE that I feel lukewarm about. I'm going to be wearing this as the Matron of Honor at my sister's wedding. (Yes, I'm a Matron. And a Ma'am, according to every younger sales associate I encounter. Please pass the All-Bran and get off my lawn.)

So here's what I'm thinking: rayon or matte jersey, just below the knee, swingy, summery. I like halter tops and empire waistlines, but they aren't essential. All red. No prints. No black ribbon trim. No weird belts or ruffles. No bells, whistles, scratch n' sniff fabric, or Lycra, either.

I am indebted to you for any advice you can share.

In other non-dress-related news, here's what's going on in my backyard right now. (Other than dandelions and asphyxia from the clouds of diesel exhaust from the street construction.)

I got very excited a few weeks ago when a pair of robins built a nest above our garage motion light. Unfortunately, so did the local crows. Hence, the abandoned nest is now snuggled up next to one of my tomato plants.

Another abandoned nest: Northern Cardinals invested a bit of time and energy into this, but some strong spring winds convinced them a nest in a spindly arborvitae shrub may not be the best idea. I do have house finches and a house wren building nests elsewhere in the yard--I hope they aren't as flaky as the cardinals and have better luck than the robins.

Flame lettuce, spinach, and swiss chard. A few more weeks and I can just step out the back door with a pair of scissors when I feel like having a salad. Yard Food is the best.

My first rose of the season. A bumblebee was very into this bloom. He seemed a little drunk, actually.

This is the first season I've grown ground cherries. If you look closely, you can see the green little paper-lantern husks in the center of the picture. Okay, I can't really see them either. Am I just messing with you? Maybe.

I saved the best for last. Anti-blue ball crack(ers) from Yeah, that Vegan Shit. They are crack-like in nature, but I never did ask J if he feels they'd be a remedy for blue balls. (J? Want to chime in here?) If I could reinvent myself as a food blogger, I'd love a blog name like Yeah, that Vegan Shit. You know there's a story behind that one. The best I can do right now is "Pinchin' a Loaf with Jess," which may not be the best appetite stimulant. Plus, then I'd have to bake a lot of bread, and who has time for that noise?