Monday, April 10, 2006

Sidewalk Vandals Strike!

Today J and I arrived home from work to discover some highly offensive vandalism on the sidewalk in front of our house. Just take a look.






Yes, that does say "Parking for Poison fans only." And let it henceforth be known as the spark that started the Great Sidewalk Chalk War of 2006. As soon as we're through with the hours of therapy required to recover from this incident, we will strike back. Not today. Not tomorrow. But one day, when a new musical group with hair and spandex and melodramatic guitar solos the likes we've never seen has made the nation collectively cringe, the time will be right. And on that fateful day, we will unleash the chalk. And revenge will be ours.*



Finally, by request, here she is. Daisy the Wonder Pisser. Don't let that innocent mug fool you. She'd rupture your eardrums with her high-frequency bark, given the chance.

*Graffiti courtesy of J's high school bud (Mr. 80s) who lives down the street. He knows J hates this music. It all began innocently enough with the covert delivery of CDs in our mailbox: Europe's Greatest Hits, Enuff Z Nuff, and The Best of Britny Fox ... and has since escalated into midnight drunken serenades on our voicemail and now, a full-blown chalking. A nearly middle-aged man did this in broad daylight. So much for neighborhood watch.

45 comments:

  1. HAHAHA! Love the graffiti! Have to try that on my next door peeps!! Maybe a little vanilla Ice?

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  2. This would have made my day.

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  3. You gotta appreciate the time and effort that went into that work of art.

    I love your dog!! Pee or no pee, she is adorable.

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  4. Very very very creative. WOO HOO BON JOVI. YEAH.

    You should do a whole thing on mullets, chest hair, and tight rolled jeans, oh my.

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  5. [madly dashing off to iTunes]

    Hello? 1991? Is that you? It's me, Mike! Remember?! We had so much fun together. Why did you have to fade away just like my platinum tips?

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  6. Dude I am crying I'm laughing so hard. I love 80s hair metal. Ask me what the last concert I saw was. G'head. Ask me.

    The Grand Slam Metal Jam featuring Quiet Riot, Warrant, Cheap Trick and Poison. Yeah! My favourite part was when C.C. DeVille did a special solo..."I hate every bone in your body but mine..."

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  7. What a coincidence, Daisy isn't the only one who can "...rupture your eardrums with her high-frequency bark..." This could apply to Great White and Poison as well. Weird!

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  8. "Lock the "celler" door and baby talk dirty." LOL Too much!!!

    Pee or no pee, Daisy is a cutie! :)

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  9. I just wish someone had a picture of this guy on his (old,creaking) knees writing this stuff.

    Daisy is gorgeous. Our Honeybun looks quite a bit like her. Which means that she's little and blonde and gets away with a lot of stuff.

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  10. What a cutie pie! :-) I always wanted a dog like that.

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  11. the postscript is KILLING ME!! That is awesome. This should increase the property value in your 'hood by like, 5 bucks. I'd totally move there now.

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  12. LOVE the sidewalk chalk war! What a great idea!

    I'm totally onto that cute little dog. It's the seemingly innocent ones you need to watch out for. I bet she could singlehandedly chase away 5 prowlers.

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  13. Great graffiti! I think you should strike back with some 90's slogans.

    Aw... What's a little piddle with a face like that?

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  14. What an awesome prank! I'm definitely doing that to my neighbor the punk fan...
    And I think your neighbor's punishment was actually writing out the entire lyrics to Talk Dirty to Me. He has paid his dues and will forever be the guy who knows all the words to TDtoM.

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  15. Thank you so much for the inspiration. I can't wait to grafitti my neighbors sidewalks!

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  16. That dog even looks like a yelper from the picture. It's making mean faces at me in my sleep.

    Does anyone like Ratt?

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  17. Um, is it sad that I knew that was "Talk Dirty to Me" by reading no more than the first line? And that I owned a Britny Fox cassette tape (Girls School!)? And I used to sob teenager tears when "Carrie" by Europe came on MTV?
    And I can't stop using "and" to start my sentences so, apparently, all that 80's hair metal fried my brain.

    I think I love your neighbor.

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  18. I am so reliving my Poison moments. C.C. DeVille (sp??? but get it? it's almost like...devil...shhhhhh) Including the perfume. Remember the PERFUME!? Dang that was strong.

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  19. Damn you- now these songs are in my head. It took a full decade to dislodge them and now they are back. We once decorated a friends car as the Partridge family bus.

    Your dog- couldn't be cuter.

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  20. Oh, the horror, the pain, the humiliation. I hope you give his car windows a good soaping while he's at work sometime. Something along the lines of "Any day's a good day...if General Hospital is on." Or, "I live for the Lifetime Channel." Or, "Give me Oxygen - the rest of the channels you can keep."

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  21. 2 words-

    BOY BANDS

    Think O-town, Backstreet Boys, New Kids, Nsync.

    That is way worse than any 80's hair band could ever be.

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  22. I heard Whitesnake on the radio on my ride home. Coincidence? I think not.

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  23. I love that this actually happened! Too funny!

    That's my kind of dog! ~wink~

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  24. Well, at least it wasn't Mmmm-bop.

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  25. That is too funny. LOL for real. Awwwwww, Miss Daisy is adorable.

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  26. Wow, I so don't know 80s rock...you could diversify the sidewalk war with some hardcore rap like NWA...? blech.

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  27. You know, for vandals, they seem to spell pretty well. Gotta give them credit for that. Especially these days.

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  28. I have never been so relieved to see a postscript in my life. I was really frightened for you for a moment.
    I think some Ace Of Base graffiti in front of *his* house is in order--"I SAW THE SIGN IT OPENED UP MY EYES I SAW THE SIGN!"

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  29. omg, I'm practically in tears here! did you call the police? you have to do something! god forbid people start thinking you heart Poison!

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  30. He spelled "cellar" wrong.

    I'm just sayin'.

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  31. But how can Bon Jovi's #1 fan live at your house? Because he actually lives at my house. Doh!!

    I love, love, love these pictures. So hard.

    And how did he not get busted while he was doing this?

    And who just owns sidewalk chalk?

    (this reminds me that yesterday at work a coworker was trying to tell me that Whitesnake was a Christian Rock band. And he wouldn't believe me when I said that THEY WERE FOR SURE NOT Christian Rock. He did not believe me!)

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  32. OK, not exactly, but close...download "Comfortably Numb", the Scissor Sisters version. That's fine music. (OK, it's disco Pink Floyd, but it might freak out the neighbor kid...)

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  33. Hey, you moved to Jersey! Who knew??

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  34. Your secret weapon is right there staring you in the face. Yeah, the one with the big black eyes. Time for a visit after about three dog dishes of water.

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  35. Great graffiti. But where are the lyrics to White Snake's Here I Come Again. Or that Cherry Pie song by Poison, is it?

    Cute pissy puppy!

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  36. I think you must journal about this privately and get all your feelings out about it. The ones you keep inside you will become toxic and we don't want that to happen. Or you may end up mumbling the words to Warrant's Cherry Pie under your breath.

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  37. Damn those Bon Jovi fans are vicious.

    But those Poison fans? I could take 'em with one hand tied behind my back.

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  38. The sidewalk chalk cracks me up (and brings me back to memory lane as I've met a lot of those bands 'back in the day') but that adorable dog just melts my cold, cold heart! Sooo sweet!

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  39. Jon Bon Jovi--are you sure you're not in Jersey? If I was there, I would make draw a pink heart as my valuable contribution (of course, next to the Jovi ode) ;)

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  40. sorry *draw a heart*...not make :(

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  41. Reading this without guffawing in my office hurt my gut like an ab workout.

    I was in jr high when Poison hit the big time and I am sad to say that I recognized that song the instant I saw the chalked words on your sidewalk! We thought it was soooo titillating and dirty back then.

    Lordy.

    I think you've got a chalk war on your hands. I'd retaliate with a little Whitesnake, just for kicks.

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  42. I saw Bon Jovi back in '87. Cinderella opened for him. Yes. I know. We all have our crosses to bear.

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  43. LOL, okay love 80's band but that's some funny chalk graffiti. I sure hoped you left it. ROFL, Parking for Posion fans. LOVE IT.

    OH and if he knew "You give love a bad name" lyrics I may have wept with tears of joy and pain. That song was the end all when I was younger. Oh my,,,

    Now I sound like a 50 yr old librarian.

    Oh and your doggie is adorable.

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  44. ROFL....so malicious and evil. Who would DO such a thing?

    I hope they get caughte because next thing you know they'll be writing Milli Vanilli 4-Ever all over the place!

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  45. I want to move to your neighborhood! That is too much fun. What about bad 80s girl group lyrics, circa BananaRama? "It's a cruel, cruel summer. Leavin' me here on my own, it's a cruel, cruel summer!" I guess it would be most effective if you waited for, summer, I think.

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