Saturday, May 17, 2008

What is the Sound of One Tiny Hand Clapping?

Last night I was planting some things in the backyard (sunflowers, flags, and evidence, mostly) and I thought, wow, I could really use a hand with all of this work. And I looked down and discovered this:

So far, I have used the tiny white hand to do the following things:
  • Say, “Who wants ice cream?” And raise the tiny white hand to reply, “I do!”
  • Scratch a very small itch.
  • Fling a miniscule discus.
  • Beat a small drum.
  • Wave to my neighbor. She is average-sized.
  • Type this blog.
  • Knock on a small piece of wood.
  • Text a message to a friend very quickly and efficiently.
  • Eat a small bowl of soup.
  • Fan a portion of my chin.
  • Pledge allegiance to the flag.

Here are some other things I have found in my yard:

A small, illiterate dog with terrible breath.


The key to successful consumption of soup.


A baby telling a bawdy joke to a kitten.


Help!

Also, that book I'm always talking about is finally out this Tuesday.

17 comments:

  1. That hand's kind of creepy. When you start digging up bones, you may want to rethink digging things up. So are you into metal detectors, or are you just luck in your finds? Or perhaps you simply like to dig. That's a possibility, too, I suppose.

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  2. If you give a Jess a tiny arm...the amazing things she'll come up to write about. Truly, your imagination does go to very interesting places.

    I can't imagine how you can focus enough to write a coherent and funny blogpost. I'd be going out of my head with excitement.

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  3. That is a weird wee little arm. My son found a hundred year old stamp from the long-gone town train station in OUR yard last night. WEird.

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  4. Who knows where your book will turn up? According to Amazon, it should be making an appearance on my porch any day now...

    Should I take a picture of it in the back yard? Oh wait...we don't really have a back yard...

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  5. Creepy arm, Jess.
    I was in Target today willing your book to be there. UGH, they are holding it hostage until Tuesday evidently! Damn Target. I'll just have to go back!

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  6. TUESDAY!

    How incredibly exciting!

    SQUEEEE!

    Congratulations, Jess. Enjoy this time.

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  7. ...telling a bawdy joke to a kitten... heeheehee. That was funny.

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  8. I wonder what the tiny stone mafia did with the rest of the body?

    Daisy looks too cute.

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  9. i love your dog's pose. mine does the same thing all the time.

    oh and the little arm?

    is creepy.

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  10. Dig a tiny ditch?
    Flick an unusually small switch?
    Grab miniscule bucket of water and thwart a pint-sized witch?
    Or perhaps you could just go slap a tiny... well you get the idea.

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  11. Surcie6:13 PM

    I think you should call it Handy. I love that it helped you accomplish so much! But it's giving me the heebie jeebies.

    Your book will accompany me on our vacation to Colorado. Yay!

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  12. Jess, I pimped you good tonight on my site! I am sure you are way too excited to sleep or anything tonight. Maybe you will bring your tiny hand with you tomorrow to wave to your admiring fans at all the bookstores in your town? Can't wait to get it!

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  13. ::bursts out laughing::

    I just LOVE what you've done with the arm! ;)

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  14. Aw man. The only thing I ever find in MY yard is dog poop.

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  15. Dude. There are no tiny white arms in my yard. Frogs? Yes. Birds? Yes. Bird shit? Yup.

    But no tiny white arms. Severed arms, at that. I feel like I'm missing out.

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