Sunday, June 01, 2008

Blame it on Culver's Custard

I thought I'd share a few recent Google searches that led some unsuspecting readers to my blog, because they segue into something that happened to me this weekend. And I am feeling too full of Culver's frozen custard to think of anything to write that doesn't involve me whining, "Why did I eat the onion rings, too?" and "I'm never getting the raw cookie dough again!" and "Where's my slacks extender tab?" So without more of this annoying ado, let the random search phrases commence!

“Pictures of me and my neighbor”

Sorry, I don't really have any. How about a picture of me and my nephew instead?

He was on sale for just $4.99!

“The spelling of pubic”

PUBIC. Pee, you, bee, eye, see. PUBIC.

Dose an egg that’s been in the frige hatch if you keep warm afterwards

I'm sorry to say that after rigorous childhood research (as documented here), the answer to this question is, "No."

Cairn Terrier shaking head all the time

Yes, well, that would be Daisy, when she’s disgusted with my antics. Which is nearly always.

Advanage the Wonder Cleaner

One of my more inadvertently popular posts. I have a long and sordid history of being a sucker for door-to-door salespeople, also documented here. And this Saturday, I had another visit from one of the Magazine Pushers. He was like listening to a favorite mix tape of all the greatest hits: "Don't be sorry, that's a board game!" and "If you're going to pass, where's the football?" plus the all new and extra-special insult, "You should support me 'cuz I'm cute--not like your hair!"

Ah, it was like a trip back to the second grade, without leaving the comfort of my own front porch.

Cloudy Tea

I can't tell you how to avoid cloudy tea. In fact, I tell you how to make it, here.

Adjectives Beginning with the letter N

You sound like the kind of person who might enjoy the adjective 'nice.' But here are a few bonus words for you: neurotic, noisy, nutty, nappy, nerdy, nascent, needling, nuanced, nervous, niggling, natural, narrow, naked, nautical, negative, nubile, nostalgic, and nude.

If you can think of more, leave them in the comments. Let's really get a list going.

Congratulations on being an aunt.

Why thank you!


  1. Nonsensical.

    And a NOTE - to say hi and thanks for popping by Life of 'Pie. Always nice to see a new face to trace back to! And yes, naming is extra hard when there is a little person - and a future big person - at stake and you don't want them to hate you for it! How is your dog taking it?

  2. How about adding: naughty (my favorite) to the list. Came over here from Jeff's site. Very good blog...careful, I might stalk and leave comments if you're going to be funny...

  3. I actually had to read this post twice to figure out what the heck you were talking about!

    Now that I have, I'm amazed at your creativity. I've always wondered how people make it to my blog, now I'm starting to see the light...kinda makes me think of what insanity I can create next.

  4. Corb is Adorb! (how'd you like that rhyme?)

    And by the way, how the freaking hell old are you? ...

    S L A C K S ? ? ? ?

  5. Nifty. Neat. Neatsy-keen. Notable?

  6. Hey Jess--I finished the book. And guess what? You're a way better writer than Maria Shriver. Stop by my place for the full scoop.

  7. Oh dear, I'm sorry. One of the side consequences of pimping your book and blog at my place is the uninvited traffic of people like VE. But don't worry, you'll get used to him. Just make sure you keep a rolled up newspaper handy for when he starts to get too noisy or lift his back leg.

  8. Halarious.
    Must remember this post and do one of my own one time.

  9. "Nincompoop" comes to mind.

    That was hilarious.

  10. Nihilistic.

    I love to see the searches that lead to my site. Someone recently found my blog by searching I am married to a real bastard. I felt pretty bad about that, and wanted to find them and give them a little advice. I even expressed my sorrow to my husband, who immediately wanted to know how they had found my site that way and if I had told the internets such a thing. (The answer is 'no'.)

  11. Oh how HILARIOUS. And that little baby is 32 flavors of cuteness!

  12. That is a CUTE baby.
    Adjectives? Nutso. Nifty. Nocturnal. Nauseating. Needy. Nebulous.

  13. Your Google searches are much more coherent than mine. The ones I get are arbitrary words thrown together like dora pants.

  14. Well, this just sucks. I came here to see pictures of you and your neighbor. Or me and my neighbor; either way.

  15. Ahhh for the day when I have enough google love to have fun searches like that bring people to my blog. The ones I've gotten so far haven't been nearly as interesting as yours (although I can't wait to see what comes from the description fight I had with my bra yesterday).

    The real reason I stopped by though was ... to tell you THANK YOU, Jess! I got my book today, and I put it on the high shelf so the kids can't get to it, which means that I'm about to go start reading it. I'm so excited and thank you again!

  16. Nymphomaniac. Necromaniac. Necronymphomaniac.

    Yeah, that should bring some weirdos rolling in for you! ;)

  17. Whoops - you said adjectives:

    Nymphomaniacal. Necromaniacal. Necronymphomaniacal. brain hurts.