Monday, July 07, 2008

More From the WHAT?!?! Files

It can take a lot to shock my husband. I don’t feel this is because he’s ‘seen it all and done it all,’ which can sometimes happen to a person. But I think it’s because he’s got a delightfully laid-back, bemused, and non-plussed approach to observing humanity. It takes a lot for him to give one of my favorite responses, which is a shocked, barking laugh followed by, “WHAT?!?!”

So I was excited to tell him about my dream the other night, because I felt it might elicit that very response. Normally, I keep my dreams to myself, because they can be tedious and only interesting to me. But these two were doozies: back-to-back comments on my personality, chock-full of bizarre cameo appearances.

Greg Allman was in the first one. In it, he was in love with my best friend, who was merely annoyed by his attention. I, however, was furiously jealous. And I didn’t even like Greg Allman. I was simply irritated that he picked her over me. In fact, I even recall a snippet of something I said to my friend in the dream, after I saw Greg cut some lines of coke on a piano: “Well, this is just great. You don’t even like to binge drink!”

For most of our lives, my best friend and I have had very different taste in men, which worked out quite well when it came to preserving our friendship. So the dream was a little unsettling. But my husband’s reaction was gold: the laugh, followed by, “What are you doing dreaming about a sixty year-old grandpa?”

I wish I knew, darling.

The dream then shifted and I was a contestant on The Bachelor. Again, the object of my desire was truly less than desirable: drunk, extremely sweaty, covered in ketchup and mustard stains. But when it was my turn for a date with him, I hunkered down and made out with him anyway, even though I didn’t like him or his sweaty, mustard-scented face, just so I could win.

The whole thing reeked of every frat party I’d ever attended in college, and I was relieved to wake up.

This next bit isn’t a dream, though it might be for some people. On Friday, J and I attended our community’s annual fourth of July carnival/fireworks/carnie-bonanza. Every ingredient for a good time was present: fried food on sticks, beer in commemorative glasses that changed color depending on the temperature, live music, and more crazy people than you could shake a stick at.

And I was delighted to learn that I was standing not ten feet from one of Oshkosh’s biggest celebrities: a young man who dresses as a leprechaun and wrestles under the name of “Hornswoggle” for the WWE.

As I was without my camera, I'll just have to leave you with a link to the video, which I hope elicits in you too a shocked, barking laugh followed by, "WHAT?!?!"*

*Every time I embedded the actual video in this post, I lost my comments in Explorer. I tried. Really, I did. If you know how to fix this, you are my new hero.


  1. dude. you just rock, but gregg allman? really?
    on another note i caught up with your blog (i've been dreadfully behind for a while) and your picture of you possibly crying, definitely not crapping your pants in target led me to buy your book at my own local target. i hope to have all the necessary things out of the way and spend the weekend doing nothing but drinking lemonade and reading your book!

  2. Greg Allman?? I met him in the 80's when he showed up at my friends house for a jam session. He was odd. Anyway, that isn't what I was going to say! I had a dream just last nite that I got married - never saw the groom, but my new mother in law was MARIA SHRIVER!! What does THAT mean??!! LOLOL

  3. Commemorative cups CHANGE COLOR now? Gawd, I have been off the circuit a long time.

    I love freaky funny dreams. When I tell my husband about them he gives me this blank stare... pause... and says, "Geez. You really ARE weird." To which I smile and say in monster voice, "Indeed."

  4. Anonymous12:30 PM

    And none of this made your husband think back to when you were pursuing him? ;)

  5. Oh I hope someone knows how to fix the video link - I really need to see Hornswoggle!

    Greg Allman - Is he still alive....

  6. My husband said the same thing when I had a dream that I was married to Fred Rogers. In the dream he was Fred and Fred was him. Well, Mr. Rogers was nice and even tempered like my husband...
    Hus didn't find that amusing at all.

  7. You definitely got a "What?!" out of me! And those dreams of yours are a riot! I rarely have vivid dreams like that. Granted, I hope if I do they star someone like Daniel Craig. ;)

  8. I was SO hoping the video would end like that!

  9. I have weird, vivid dreams too, and frequently have special guest stars - men I've never thought even ONCE about in my waking life. Whoa, nelly.

  10. I was waiting to hear that your best friend was Cher...
    And that her son Elijah Blue was coming over to spend a week with you...

  11. hello! glad you liked the review! i would not say i am any type of expert reviewer, but i gave it a go. can't believe you found me?! the interwebs are fascinating that way.

  12. Jess, you lead a very interesting life. That's all I know to say right now. ;-)

  13. I don't know, but maybe the corndogs have something to do with the strange dreams.

  14. In a feeble attempt to be your new hero I had a problem similar to yours with video but it was because I was trying to enter the code in "compose" mode instead of "html" mode. Let me know if it works, if not this is the kind of totally geeky thing I dig.

    Btw love the writing, you crack me up.