Clockin' the Ho's

I’m feeling scattered lately. It’s probably because I don’t do yoga, but who needs one more thing to feel outraged about?

It’s tax season. It’s also grant deadline season and contractors-working-on-the-house-with-the-back-door-cracked-open-so-they-can-run-
the-bandsaw season. (Is your furnace constantly running? Better go catch it!)

In an effort to relax I’ve found a new thing to worry about. I enjoy a nice glass of Red Truck wine after work, but turns out this wine has a screw cap. If I cared anything about the planet I’d be drinking wine stopped with a REAL cork, because that would support old-growth cork forest and a traditional way of life in Portugal.

My furnace not sucking the grid dry would probably help the planet, too.

Anyone interested in buying a two year-old water heater? We just bought a newfangled tankless one because the current (but efficient and well-appointed!) model is improperly vented. These are the kinds of things that happen when good sense takes the last shuttle to Schenectady and you decide to re-roof and re-side your house in January after you install a new driveway and build a garage.

Remodeling. It is my destiny.

Also, there are new cowsuckers to report! Witness:

You too can assemble this attractive objet d'art for display in your driveway! Read on for details.

An aerial view shot from a very small helicopter.

This is a grand experiment called “winter sowing,” in which I try to save money and cheat seedling death by potting up hundreds of seeds in dirt-stuffed milk jugs with drain holes. See, the theory is this: the seeds sprout in spring, and you have what at first glance appears to be a deformed Chia pet convention at a recycling center. But it’s not. It’s really a bunch of plants in jugs. Amazing, isn’t it? Then, when the time is right, perhaps when you realize you’ve squandered another winter opportunity to get your cellulite under control before shorts season, you plant your cute little Hunks Of Seedlings, or HO’S.

I’ve already identified which beds these cheap HO’S will wind up in. Until then, they’re just going to have to loiter in the gutter.