Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Dude, Where's my Aquanet?

(A brief explanation of the ensuing madness: this is in response to a new "80s Likeness" meme tagging, originating with Mom-101. Let the ear-scraping eighties vernacular commence!)

Like, I would have to say that in the eighties? My hair most closely resembled the kickin’ fro on the beave magnet in the upper right hand corner. Also, I had a rad pink tie much like the one keeping blondie’s excellent forehead sweat-free and truly outrageous.

The thing that stokes me most about this picture of stellar 80’s local legend “Xciter” (other than all of the righteous plastic streamers) is knowing that, like, my way-cool husband chills out and plays video games with one of these mega-bad poon tamers every Friday night. Their bitchin’ XBox Live secret action hero names? Turbo Pansy and Action Wimp. That is like, so boss.

Another of these gnarly dudes went on to join the choice band “Tuff,” which, as you may remember, scored a bodacious hit with the totally tubular 1991 power ballad “I Hate Kissing You Goodbye.” Plus, they toured with such super wicked bands as Warrant, Britny Fox, The Bullet Boys, Dangerous Toys & Enuff Z’Nuff.

Does it get any more killer than that?

Wow. I have a sudden urge to slip into a Hypercolor sweatshirt and some stirrup pants, crack open a Crystal Pepsi, zone out in front of a few Kate & Allie episodes I taped on Beta, and then organize my Garbage Pail Kids cards and Strawberry Shortcake Miniatures collection. Yeah. That’s the ticket.

Because it’s hammertime, hosers. On a stick.

Props-o-rama to my solid homegirl Gina for the photo and wicked awesome dudette Kristen for the trippendicular challenge. Fer sher.


  1. Like oh my gawd. Totally tubular. And seriously though, I have not heard the words hypercolor in SO LONG - and *sigh* I loved me some Kate and Allie.

  2. YOU ROCK! "Beave magnet"???? Mwahahahahahaha!

  3. thanks, Jess, for the smile. I'm behind on your entries but had enough energy to look at the pc for a min. I didn't expect to see Shawn looking at me when I clicked "Jess's Blog" on my homepage. I can probably find a nice pic of myself in bandanas, holey jeans, a leather wristband and rubber fluorescent green sunglasses for you somewhere.... and tell Jason that I know he had red ones ;) i hope to catch up soon. time for another nap.

  4. you like, oh, my, god, rock! i have always been a secret, what am i talking about, was a major hair band groupie! so, I understood the six degrees of separation explanation. you started me thinking about trying to find some awesome pictures from my Slaughter days. ***cringe****

  5. I know this was a tribute to style, but I got giddy when you reminisced about Kate & Allie. I wanted to look like Emma/Ari Meyers (which never happened)

  6. o kaay. like, what everrrr. you can sooo gag me with a spoon right now. like. duuude. you forgot about the, like, jelly shoes that you, like, wear with those wicked nylon socks with the lace thingies. i am soo totally sure right now. Uhh!

    jelly bracelets, uh, hellooo?!
    A TARR I, o kaay?

    (so i was a valley girl - do sue!)

    AWE SOME blog duude. seriously man.

  7. Alas-I am a kate and allie fan as well . I don't know why but I love reminiscing about the 80's. I even broke out my Pat Benatars greatest hits recently-why not, right?

  8. First, let me just say that it SCARES ME TO DEATH that I understood that whole post.

    I totally had the big perm (it was HOTT) and I even wore..ties.

    Anyone remember parachute pants? I had em in every color of the rainbow (and in several colors that are not in the rainbow and in fact offend the rainbow's eyes).

    Ooh! I even had a fedora. I loved that thing. You know, now that I think about it, I was a freakin fashion icon, baby!

  9. Anyone have my Generra Hypercolor sweatshirt?

  10. Holy crap, I just had to masturbate to Farrah Fawcett's poster! Great trip down memory lane.

  11. The 80's were when I really hated my stringy, dead-straight hair, LOL.
    Now, if I can just find my aqua-sparkly head-band...

  12. I had a hardcore crush on Kate.

  13. Whoa. I'm stunned and mortified by the number of dusty tapes that must be in my mother's basement right now matching the band-list in your post. Yikes.

    Also, I would have guessed that was the dude from Warrant, at first glance. But really, it's just the dude from DOKKEN! (as in, "rockin' with dokken").

    Hopefully the picture of me looking much like the lead singer in that photo will NOT float to the surface anytime soon.

    I wouldn't mind getting my "COKE IS IT!" sticker back, though, to put on my jean jacket with the Def Leppard backpatch.

    Bitchin' post, Jess.

  14. Argh - capturing the teen years of the 80's. For some of us (cough cough) who were in our late teens/early 20'during that frightening era, we went "new wave" or goth (ripped black stockings, blakc army boots, off-the-shoulder black sweat tops, black leggings, black makeup, you get the idea). I veered between the 2, and instead of big hair went for the spiked look instead, sometimes in unusual colors.
    But still, gag me with a football player is this stuff EVER comes back into style. All that hairspray is what ruined the ozone layer!

  15. I'm still staring at the costumes. Eeek.


  16. Ok--my embarrassing admission....

    I once drew a smiley face on my knee while wearing ripped jeans, a la Debbie Gibson.

    Please don't pelt me with things.

  17. What? No leg warmers?

  18. i used to love all of that big hair I look back like, what the HELL was I thinking? LOL I have to admit though, I still LURVE black eyeliner on a guy... ;)

  19. Worst fashion moment in high school:

    Black beret, fatique-green, army-surplus shirt (with those epaulet things on the shoulders), and army pants tucked into rubber pull-on galoshes, which were the closest thing I had to army boots.

    So very, very sad.

  20. LMAO

    Oh wow, I think they pink tie REALLY brings the whole thing together...

    That's like rad, man, rad!

  21. You're making me want a New Coke this very minute. Thanks for stopping by my abode and showing me the trail back to yours--you do know the funny. In the words of that great 80s action star, "I'll be bahhhhk."

    (And congrats on the novel. Huge!)

  22. I am laughing my ass off because my s.o. was in a band in the '80s and he had the hair and the clothes.. he actually had PINK levis, skin tight of course.. LOL

    Spandexpalooza, baby!

  23. Anonymous4:07 PM

    Word to your mutha.

  24. Hammer time, indeed. Oh, the humanity.

  25. I was just thinking about those hypercolor shirts the other day. I couldn't remember for the life of me what they were called.

    Rock on, Jess! Where's the Beef???

  26. Anonymous8:58 PM

    I have a great picture of you that matches this one. AND it was 1994, not 1984. I think some of the early 90's trends are even worse than 80's. Remember my cowboy boot shoes? They got me around to a lot of house parties with you! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE write a blog about the early 90's!!!!

    Oh, and back to your kindergarten report card comment.. I would like to talk to Miss Barb! I bet you are in her "teacher stories" all the time! I have a few classics myself!

    Please go back and delete all the naughty things from your entire blog warehouse so I can read this at school again!!!!!!!

    Love Fee

  27. Jess - I did it on my blog! LOL