Monday, February 13, 2006

My Valentine for You

Whenever someone asks me to relate my most embarrassing story, I’m always at a loss for a moment. Because I have more embarrassing stories than Bai Ling has fugly outfits. Today I shall tell you just one of those stories. And nobody but you and I will know of it, because it was a solo expedition into HumiliaTown.

I was about 13, on a shopping trip with relatives at the mall in the Bratwurst Capital of the World when it happened. We were in the Deb store (which is pretty embarrassing to begin with), searching high and low for affordable, flattering clothing that didn’t appear to be sewn by malnourished toddlers in a Malaysian sweatshop until you got a really close look at the seams. Anyway, that particular Deb store had been established in space that was once home to a vast supermarket, or maybe a bratwurst-stuffing factory. Or at least that seemed to be the case, because the store was huge.

As I perused the racks, I saw very familiar-looking girl across the store. There were plenty of shoppers searching for bargains in Deb that day, and why I happened to lock eyes with this particular girl still escapes me. Distracted by our shopping companions, we returned to the tasks at hand. A second later I looked up at her again. She was still looking at me.

Where had I seen this girl before? She was about my age, so maybe at some school-related function. Perhaps a basketball game? I wondered if her school was in my school’s sports conference. I squinted.

She was STARING at me. Clearly, she recognized me from somewhere as well.

I thought I’d risk it. I would give her a quick wave. If she returned it, we’d meet in the middle and get to the bottom of the mystery. If not, well, I could just pretend to be waving at someone behind her and duck into the nearest rack of pants.

I waved at the familiar girl.

And immediately dropped my arm.

Because I was waving at myself.

Turns out the Deb store was SO BIG because they’d covered every wall in mirrors, the deceptive bastards. And I was seeing, and then waving, at my own reflection. No WONDER that girl looked so familiar! I saw her every morning when I popped zits and curled that horrible poof I used to have on the top of my head.

Ta-dah!

The embarrassing story has ended, go in peace. The End.

27 comments:

  1. Oh, no! That's hilarious. Your secret is safe with me; I promise. :-D

    ReplyDelete
  2. I feel for you! Reminds me of the time I waved at somebody who looked like someone I knew, only when I got closer, it was a total stranger and I felt like an idiot.

    Tanya

    ReplyDelete
  3. Anonymous9:05 AM

    Ok....that has to be the funnies story you have shared so far. I laughed a little too loud and my boss came in and asked me what was so funny...!!!

    LK

    ReplyDelete
  4. At least you didn't yell, "Hey, that girl over there is my long lost twin!"

    ReplyDelete
  5. OMG. That was the funniest most embarrassing story EVER. God Bless you, I totally needed that laugh. And for what it's worth, that sounds like something I would do too!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Beautiful. MVP, Jess. M.freaking V.P. I'll even withhold the small bus crack.

    Here's mine:

    http://oncemore.typepad.com/once_morewith_feeling/2005/05/a_beer_by_any_o.html

    ReplyDelete
  7. shrunk the URL.

    http://tinyurl.com/8nc39

    really, at least you don't speak about your privates accidentally.

    p.s. say Hi to you for me!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Hahahahahaha... :-)

    Happy VDay to ya!

    ReplyDelete
  9. *snort*

    That's AWESOME.

    ReplyDelete
  10. That is the best story EVER...

    ReplyDelete
  11. Simply put, that story is a classic!!

    ReplyDelete
  12. Oh, I totally saw that coming. Poor thing! :)

    ReplyDelete
  13. That is a classic story.

    I waved goodbye to a neighborhood dog once when I left for work one day. I felt like such an idiot.

    Later in the day, the dog was run over by a car. I didn't feel so bad about "waving goodbye" when I found out the dog had died.

    Maybe it was something like that ... or, maybe not. :)

    ReplyDelete
  14. HILARIOUS. Did anyone see you?

    ReplyDelete
  15. Used Hack: OMG that's crazy! I think you were meant to say goodbye. Please, don't ever wave to me :)

    ReplyDelete
  16. "And boy, she has the same kind of outfit as me! We must have the same taste in clothes. Maybe we can be BFF?!" Great story! :-)

    Thanks for stopping by my blog today -- I've lurked around here occasionally, but now I'll definitely be back more!

    ReplyDelete
  17. That was hysterical. I'm glad you discovered it was a mirror before you started having a deep conversation with...yourself.

    Did you at least try and cover it up by doing a little dance in front of the mirror?

    ReplyDelete
  18. Best. Story. Ever.

    ReplyDelete
  19. I LOVE this story - wish I could have seen it, that's priceless:)

    ReplyDelete
  20. Cripes, I can't think of a most embarrassing story to share with you.

    It can't be that I've never had one cause, hello! it's me. It must be that I've had so many or they're so bad that I've had to repress them.

    Thanks for stoppin' by and saying Hi today (I was gonna tell you to say hi to yourself for me but Jen beat me to it)!

    ReplyDelete
  21. you are just too friggin' funny! that is a classic!

    ReplyDelete
  22. OMG I am laughing hysterically out loud. This is TOO funny. Thanks for giving me a huge laugh this morning. Again, I cannot wait to read your book!

    ReplyDelete
  23. At least you wanted to meet her...imagine if you had been instantly turned off! Thanks for a good laugh....I'm enjoying reading your site (visited after you commented on your husband joining my family's "rough" team!)

    ReplyDelete
  24. that's a riot. Knowing me I'd have been grumbling under my breath wondering why that bitch kept staring at me =)

    ReplyDelete
  25. Oh, my God. That is freakin' hysterical.

    ReplyDelete
  26. I've had a similar experience...minus the waving part lololololol. Great story ;-)

    ReplyDelete
  27. Stop. It. Just. Stop. It.

    Now I've gone and messed myself.

    ReplyDelete