Monday, November 06, 2006

Pom-pom hats, butter, and gargoyles. Don't forget to vote!

I’ve been very anxious lately; perhaps this can be attributed to the election tomorrow, but I suspect it’s because I’ve recently discovered that I live in a world where the Columbus Children’s Hospital will soon be breaking ground on the Abercrombie and Fitch Emergency Department and Trauma Center. Thanks to a $10 million gift, you see.

There are many jokes in there, but mostly a sense of resignation that one day, we will all be wearing ads on our foreheads. I’ve got ample space on mine, so I’ll probably end up with an ad for a drug named Flourahexamegazania, which whitens teeth, encourages a general sense of well-being, reduces flatulence, and makes the air around your head smell like flowers.

Other random thoughts and events:

I attended a literacy luncheon last Thursday and was inspired to become a tutor with the local Literacy Council. Um, hello, shouldn’t I already be doing everything in my power to facilitate literacy? Since I’m a writer and all? (Though you may not have guessed as much based on the grammatical cesspool that masquerades as this blog.) So this is a new development I’m looking forward to.

Watched an Australian western this weekend: The Proposition. An excellent study in creating multi-faceted, sympathetic characters. Plus, you really get a feel for how filthy Ol’ Timey settlers really were. On account of the smudged faces and clouds of flies around their heads.

Somewhere, at this very moment, a man is wearing a wide-brimmed hat rimmed with pom-poms.

Started my Christmas shopping this Saturday. I only bought myself two things. In pursuit of one particular innocuous gift-item, I was directed by a shopkeeper to a place that bars entry to those under the age of eighteen and only accepts payment in cash. Tell me. Have you ever found yourself wearing a peacoat, turtleneck, and Mary Janes in a store peddling gargoyles, patchouli, Ouija boards, crystals, dragons, and bags of herbs galore? Didn't it make you feel kind of old and square?*

Beginning this week, my best friend’s family is engaging in their own home-version of The Biggest Loser, pitting two related teams against one another in a battle to the weight-loss death. Well, not to the death, but I suspect they’re going to have fun dreaming up punishments I mean challenges for the “non-losing” team (that is, the team failing to lose more poundage) every week. I considered going along for the ride, since I could certainly stand to eat less and move more. But then I remembered that Thanksgiving and Christmas are mere weeks away—and with them, delicious feasts involving butter, cranberries, molasses, potatoes, sugar, cheese, and more butter. Since I’m a big fan of butter in its many forms, I feel trying to lose weight during this time may make me exceptionally crabby. And I’d hate to do that to J.

*This is the kick-off in my campaign to bring back the word "square."


  1. I think people in olden times must have just stunk, which really sucks the romance out of everything.
    Diets? Sigh. I'm on one right now, because my weight just keeps going up - I realized that if I waited until after Christmas, I'd have even more to lose. But it's not fun... at least I've already had Thanksgiving.

  2. Thanksgiving and Christmas... two very good reasons to continue being a fatass. I'll start dieting after the new year... Oh, wait, then there's Valentine's Day chocolates, then St. Patrick's Day beer, and Easter chocolate and the ham... Just wake me when it's bathing suit season.

  3. Anonymous2:39 PM

    i look forward to slathering my thighs in the buttery treats of the season.

    i've started my shopping as well, though, i think i would have turned my peacoat, maryjane wearing self around and marched right out of the store. who only takes cash? i'm a firm believer in my check card. i don't leave home without it.

  4. Abercrombie and Fitch at a childrens hospital? Shouldn't that be against the law? Aren't they the ones with nearly naked barely 15 year olds all over the place looking tres' sexy? I think that's just WRONG. Who knew I would grow up to be such a damn prude, I know, since I have been known to dress on Halloween as a tampon, and another Halloween as a flasher. But still. That's just weird.

    My theory for the holidays is to move a bit more, eat a bit less, and try to come out even, because those big days can be balanced out with all of the little ones surrounding them. I've never actually LOST weight during Nov/Dec, but sometimes I can come out even. Wish me luck this year, too.

  5. Anonymous5:16 PM

    I vow to use the word square at least twice this week (in a non reference to shape, but instead to cool-ness levels) in order to help you with your quest.

  6. The stress over he holidays always ruins my appetite anyway.

  7. Anonymous7:35 PM

    Coincidence: I've been seriously thinking about getting involved in our local literacy council. There is a training session at the beginning of December that I'm considering attending. I'll be very interested in learning more about your experiences with it.

  8. I do think we need to revive the word "square," but I'm afraid of what it might now mean. Sort of like the way that "tight" now means good and not "too small." It's so confusing to really old people like me.

    Hi from down, that is.

    And remember, vote early and vote often!

  9. Ummm...butter....

    I only lose weight during the holidays if I happen to catch an intestinal parasite from my Aunt Jane's bathroom at Thanksgiving.

  10. Everyone must be feeling the same way. At least everyone I talk to lately. And I'm going to Florida in 1 1/2 weeks, so it IS bathing suit season for me. I am so not ready.

  11. And I and my daughter were going to sign up with Weight Watchers on Satuday. Now I'm not sure about it! LOL! What's Thanksgiving without 1.5 pounds of butter?

  12. It's not Christmas without a trip to Spencer's Gifts. :>

    Oy! Diets? No! I'm getting a big bouncy excer-ball for the office (as an alternate chair) to start a passive toning program. Once I'm able to not fall off it I figure I'm one big step toward fitness.

  13. Anonymous11:17 AM

    It's hip to be square!

    Would love to write more, but that would mean I'd have to stop shoving tortilla chips into my mouth.

  14. Regarding the ads thing, I recently heard that companies will pay you to put an ad on your car and so some people are plastering advertising stickers on their cars. Crazy!

  15. Anonymous12:25 PM

    you christmas shop at a head shop?


  16. Riley ~ Well I did my civic duty! ~ jb///

  17. Oh my gosh--you're gonna be a tutor AND you've started your Christmas shopping??? I am such a loser compared to you :)

  18. You've started your Christmas shopping?! Wow. I was really hoping that what we had could be considered a real friendship, Jess, but not if you are going to make me feel this inferior. Pfft.

  19. Anonymous10:25 PM

    I have the same little problem with Christmas shopping that you apparently do--I always find things for myself and then try to convince myself that I'm justified in buying them. Or else I don't buy them and instead give meticulous 'hints' to people about how I'd like to receive them as gifts. I can tell by their reactions that this is an extremely irritating habit.

    But good for you for starting early!

  20. I didn't vote. I was too disgusted ... with everyone. First time sitting it out, and I have no regrets.

  21. Anonymous4:16 PM

    I hope you love tutoring reading as much as I do. It really is so rewarding.