Friday, March 31, 2006

Celebrate good times. Come on.

Quick! Call Dairy Queen and order five ice cream sheet cakes, inflate some balloons, pick up a case of champagne, break out the party hats and whips, book the drag queen clown mime strippers, call the Blues Brothers naked polka tribute act, schedule the semi-deranged Austrian folk-rock accordionist, unpack the Donald Trump wigs, crotchless chicken costumes, and Rolly Fingers mustaches, open the flashing willy boppers, crack open the barrel of baby oil, bust out the Slip n’ Slide, and crank the Neil Sedaka. It’s time to celebrate!

I just paid off my student loans.*

In other news, I’m still busier at work than a one-legged man in an ass-kicking contest. My use of that colorful comparison officially cements the fact that I am becoming my parents, as that phrase was as oft-heard round the house in my formative years as “you’re funnier than a rubber crutch” or “the first time I heard that one I kicked the slats out of my crib.” Both of which I also caught myself saying at least once in the past year. Thanks, Dad.

*If you’re tempted to tell me to go play on some train tracks, don’t worry. I’ve still got enough debt that if lined up end to end, it would circle the earth 22 times.


  1. So jealous. And so happy for you. Really. Bring on the clowns, mimes and uh, naked jugglers! BTW - I will now have to use the "busier than a one-legged man in an ass-kicking contest" for the rest of my life. Don't dads have the best "dad-isms?" My personal favorite from our household (although not nearly as funny as yours, only ironic if you consider the fact that I have a mouth filthier than most . . .filthy sailors?): "Profanity is the crutch of a weak mind." Indeed.

  2. In two and a half years, we won't have to pay for full time daycare. I cannot wait.

    And can appreciate the celebrating of any debt pay-off.

  3. Anonymous12:07 PM

    the semi-deranged Austrian folk-rock accordionist.

    That totally sounds like a recurring character on Saturday Night Live.

  4. That's AWESOME and worthy of celebration. Good thing it's Friday!! Way to go Jess!!!!

  5. Anonymous12:46 PM

    No but I WAS going to tell you that you're as funny as a heart attack and to go take a long walk off a short pier ;o)

    Congratulations on the loans. I hope you are planning a nice dinner out with a bottle or two of wine. This is huge!

  6. lucky you!

    I find myself saying corny things that my mom says ALL the instead of rolling my eyes at her, I roll them at myself!

  7. Anonymous1:36 PM

    The guy on the picture looks like the guy on Bravo's TV show Queer Eye for the Straight Guy.


  8. Anonymous1:49 PM

    *sigh* it seems like forever till we even dent the student loans!! Congrats!

  9. Woo! Sweet.

    (2009 for me) :(

    And I resent the Neil Sedaka remark. That guy can rock the ivories old school, yo.

  10. Congrats! That is definitely something to celebrate. The day we pay off my hubby's law school loans there will be a sonic boom of celebration across the land.

    Happy Weekend to you - stopped by from Daughter of Opinion where I saw we have a favorite 'misheard lyric' in common. ;)

    - Mary


    Way to FREAKING GO! School loans are a you know what, so congrats on finishing paying them off. ~sigh~

    Now if only I can pay mine off...

  12. Congratulations! Have an excellent weekend.

  13. I cannot think of a better reason to break out my crotchless chicken costume! It hardly gets used at all .. but WOOOOOOO!!!! I will definitely be dead by the time I pay mine off so I'm just gonna pretend I'm you for a while.

  14. Anonymous4:56 PM

    Congrats on getting your loans paid off. I still have a while to go on mine. :-(

    I, too, am finding myself using my parents' phrases--especially my mom's. It's terrifying.

  15. Anonymous5:14 PM

    Now we know what CC deville is up too - that and surreal life.

    And that is AWESOME... congrats

  16. WooHoo! Save a bottle of champagne and a Donald Trump wig for me.
    Seriously, Congratulations!!

  17. Anonymous8:29 PM

    Yeah, but those student loan people are scary. I'd rather owe the mafia. Congrats!

  18. Congratulations! That is a milestone in anyone's life! ~ jb///

  19. crotchless chicken costume??? I'd like to see one of those... Congrats on paying off your dept!

  20. Oh my, I'm spent! I've read the whole thing!! All your archives... at some points I was doing the whole sob laughing thing. Dammit, grrrrl, I Can. Not. Wait. for your book!

    Yer fab and your blog makes me happy. :-D And, oddly enough, so does my word verification: twbungod

  21. p.s. Thanks for enabling my complete and total avoidance of anything I was actually supposed to get done today.

    Anyone have a good remedy for chair sores?

  22. I am all for any celebratory event that calls for my dusting off of the crotchless chicken outfit. I just don't get to use it all that much anymore and it makes me sad, really.

    congrats on truly fabulous news.

  23. too friggin cool! congratulations!

  24. Ha! My dad always said that one, too. Another of his favorites was, "We're going to have a three-legged race to the hospital to get my foot out of your ass."
    He didn't say it very often, but it was always so poignant when he did.
    Excuse me, the memories are making me a little misty.

  25. Anonymous3:10 PM

    Congrats! We just paid off J's student loan and one of our cars. It's a great feeling, isn't it?

    p.s. -- I'm wearing that crotchless chicken outfit right now. I think it's turning my husband on. ;-)

  26. Anonymous3:31 PM

    I so badly want to come to one of your parties. I figure I paid my student loan off just at the point when I realized I didn't want to do my job any longer. I think that is irony.

  27. Anonymous9:58 PM


    Whatta ya gonna do with all the extra moola?

    Besides buying a case of flashing willy boppers, that is.

  28. Oooh, gasp! Help me! The first paragraph caused a small transient ischemic attack! Wooo! My kind of party! :>


  29. Holy freakin' moly, I am so jealous....while I have absolutely no credit card debit, I sure do have the student loans to pay off.

    Seriously, though - congrats! That has got to be a great feeling!

  30. I remember my friend's Dad saying the rubber crutch thing lol. Good old Mr. Donnelly...

    Congrats on the loans. I hope to join you someday and be free from the stalkers at Sallie Mae that send me WAY too much junk mail.

  31. Dude, I just paid off mine and MY EX-HUSBAND'S consolidated student loans, too! We totally rock. (Also, so does your hi-larious dad for those jokes. He sounds like my kinda guy.)

  32. Hey, congrats to paying off your student loans. I am about a year away from kissing mine goodbye. It will be a joyous event for sure. I may have to hire some one-legged folks or Steve Martin to entertain the masses.

  33. I remember the day I got that letter from Sallie Mae. I felt like framing it and putting it next to my diploma. I think the pay-off letter may have been even more of a relief than the diploma...

    My favorite is "screwed the pooch." I'm not even sure what it means.

    Oh, and "She can't wrestle, but you gotta see her box." Again, huh?

  34. Jess,

    You're blessed! :-) Congrats!


  35. "Oooooh" says Dawn as she gears up to sell her blood for the next billion years to pay for the PhD program.

    My fav Dadism?"

    "You could knock a buzzard off a shit wagon"

    which is to say - You Staaannk

  36. "The slats out of my crib" one is making me shudder with delight. (This is me getting excited for the next opportunity to use this one.)

    Congrats Jess - now if you could just get that Lillian Vernon account paid off.

  37. Must be nice! Congrats!

  38. Anonymous2:36 PM

    Ohhhh, that's big.

    I can't be jealous of anyone paying off student loans.

    Well, not much, anyway.


    (kidding, kidding)