Monday, February 16, 2009

Tales from the Grant Files

I’m writing an eye-wateringly massive Federal grant proposal right now to improve the physical education program for a northwestern Wisconsin school district…because I am a thorn in their side and asked them to, the PE department recently surveyed the kids to determine their program direction. Most of the students took the questionnaires seriously, offering thoughtful, honest answers. However, there were some responses that were absolutely GOLDEN. So I thought I’d share the best ones with you:

(3rd-8th graders:)

Q. At home, what do you normally drink with meals?

The defensive: "None of your bussiness"

The lazy class clown: "Alcohol"

The destined for bizarre greatness: "I drink fatness and computers"

(9th-12th graders:)

Q. Phy Ed is important because:

The unintentionally amusing: "It keeps us in the best shape of all the classes"

The unintentionally clever: "It’s a waist of an hour"

The honest: "It’s not"

The empathy award: "Lazy kids (not in sports) need to be active" AND "Get fat kids in shape"

The guy: "There are tits!" -AND- "Girls do jumping jacks"

Q. I dislike Phy Ed when:

Not a fan of team sports: "We play football, baseball, softball, or soccer. It eliminates a lot. I know."

Paging Pretty in Pink: "The preppy’s get treated better than us normal people."

Doesn’t want to Be Like Mike: "When we do dump crap like basketball."

The guy again: "There are no titties"

The Future Peace Negotiator: "Everyone is fighting and not getting along."

The kid who’s failing English but still adorable as hell: "When we play batmitten."

Voted most likely to pimp his own ride: "I’m not showin’ off my ballin’ skillz."

Watching too many Seth Rogan movies: "I’m not naked with other men."

Don’t I know it: "When we do fitness testing like sit and reach because I can’t stretch! :( "

Q. I like Phy Ed when:

The brownnoser: "I feel challenged but respected."

It scares me to know he may be a parent one day: "My team wins."

Idiocracy in action: "Plooy got hit in the nuts."

What PE curriculum is he following: "Days when I’m awake."

Again. What PE curriculum is he following: "We can sleep."

The nostalgic: "Everyone is acting like they are in first grade."

Well, at least he’s consistent: "I see some hot titties shakin’ it in the weight room!"


  1. omg, hilarious!! The "pretty in pink" comment is SO how I would have responded in high school. Ever the sullen girl.

    Now, my tired, flabby self wishes I'd actually NOT pretended to have my period 3 weeks out of the month, every month during gym class. Muscle tone, it turns out, is a good thing.

  2. Bwahahahaha @ the 3rd-8th grader who said "Alcohol". PRICELESS!

  3. I hated PE in school. Not a good time for the less coordinated amongst us. I would have loved it if they just let me jog, swim, or ride my bike for an hour. Sigh.

  4. Anonymous11:12 AM

    Oh am laughing so hard. Tears now.

  5. They use words like 'titties' in Wisconsin? ;)

    Ah, children. Our future.

  6. snort. These were priceless. I think you should include them in the back of the grant as an appendix

  7. These are awesome. And frightening. And singleminded.

  8. Anonymous12:53 PM

    That was freakign hilarious. Thanks for sharing.