Tuesday, May 06, 2008

Two Weeks and Counting...

The new phone books are here! The new phone books are here!

Wait...THOSE aren't PHONE BOOKS!

Some very exciting things are happening. First, I got books, y'all! I'll be giving away signed copies at several blogs near you in the next month. Second, I also got the biggest zit I've had since high school. Which is perfect because I was recently made aware of an 80's Prom Flashback party next Friday night. To get in, you have to wear your old prom dress and do-up your hair that scary way you did it in the eighties. When it looked like an artfully arranged tumbleweed that may have been home to a small family of shrews. The problem is this: none of my friends want to go with me!!! Because they are all pussies, afraid they might get a little Whitesnake on them. Okay, they're not really, they just have busy lives and that kind of thing.

(Uh, friends who are aware of this party? Yes, this is a challenge. A throw-down in non-Bobby Flay style. Go. Go into your closet and find that pouffy dress. Dig that dust-crusted can of Aqua Net out of the cabinet. Do not fear the eighties...embrace it...embrace the fear. Go with Jess to the party. Get drunk and do the running man. Let her take many photos. Now, shhh....go.)

To get you all in the mood (well, to get ME in the mood. Who am I kidding?) I am right now listening to "Der Kommissar" by After the Fire. And then I'm going to listen to the Go-Go's and then Big Country and then 'Til Tuesday and have a stroke and die happy. (Hi! I was only like eight or something when your music was popular, but I DON'T CARE! Just look at me like, nailing the vernacular in this post!)

Now where was I. Oh right! My zit! Well, it's developed quite a personality, I must say. It hates me, for one thing. It wants nothing more than to grab the spotlight and be a stoplight and pretty soon I'll be like Chris on that one episode of Family Guy, when his zit actually started talking to him and demanding daily applications of grease (internal and external).

Anyway, I'm going to just ignore it and tell you about something else. Something the "keepin' the cool side cool, the hot side hot" Eileen Cook did when her book came out. She hosted a Pimp My Book contest in which bloggers interested in getting the word out about her fabulous book Unpredictable (COMING SORTA SOON TO A MOVIE THEATER NEAR YOU!) agreed to post a review, Q & A with the author, guest author blog, book giveaway, or any other kind of fun little feature. So if anyone would like to uh, pimp my book on their blog between May 19 and June 1 (*shuffling feet and staring at them in true Midwestern anti-self-promotion fashion, because every molecule in my being kind of fights against the whole self-promotion thing .... unless I've had a glass or two of wine and there's ABBA playing*), let me know in the comments--we'll do it up.

Oh, I should mention that I'll pick two Bloggah Pimps at random for a $75 amazon gift card. There will also be signed copies in the mix somehow. And if you want to get creative (paging Kevin Charnas...paging Kevin Charnas...), we can do that, too. In fact, the crazier the better. Like, I want to hear about YOUR roadtrips from hell. (Preferably with photos.) Or you could just pose nude with the book covering your special purpose.

Two more things before I go refill my wine glass (What! You didn't think I could write an actual post about self-promotion SOBER, did you?!?!):

1) I'm having my photo taken this Thursday to accompany an article about the book for MKE. I'll be sitting in my car at a rest stop near a highway. Life, go on now: imitate art. Go on, it's fun! As my former priest Father Kevin used to flamboyantly say, "I LOVE it."

2) My actual real live website will be up and running some time soon. ("Look ma! I got me an ack-tyool website thingy, with one o' them 'http's and everything!") So at that point, no longer will you just see a bewildered looking Daisy peering up at the camera next to the "Coming Soon!" script. But I'll try to sneak her in there somehow.


  1. Dude, you know I'm already down for the book giveaway. Just wanted to get the ball rolling here....

  2. I've been reading your blog for a while and absolutely love it!! I'm a pretty new blogger and would love to (and will) pimp your book, to my current 4 regular readers. Maybe if I have a contest and give away your book my readership will increase?!? :)

    Good luck with the release!

  3. Whoo hooo! Does it get much more fun than this???? The new phone book is here! The new phone book is here! Squeeeee!!!!!

    I'd be delighted to go with you to your eighties party. I've got plenty of water taffeta for everyone, and can bring the chips, dips, chains, and whips. And count me in on your book promo. I'd love to pimp you out, baby.

  4. oooh, I totally want to pimp your book!! I cannot wait for it to come in the mail!!!

  5. LOL - okay - so the 80's party might be fun.
    I'll have to check my calendar, and my camera batteries again.

    I'd love to pimp your book, but you know I have about 4 readers. and one of them is you.

    I DO have a semi- crappy road trip story to share. Spring Break - 1995 or '96.
    Myrtle beach.

  6. Jess, I'm about to get my 10,000 comment and would love to give your book away as part of the prize to the 10,000th commenter. What do you say?

  7. I'll totally pimp your book, but I'm not sure how...I mean, I'll do a review after I've read it, but before reading it, then what? Hmmm.

    Sadly, I just wrote my most memorable road trip story a few weeks ago, here: http://jellyjules.com/?p=973


  8. i'll pimp your book. for sure.

    let's do the damn thing!

  9. Anonymous1:08 PM

    I can't wait to read it! I'm so excited for you!

    (No, I can't come up with anything more original that that, and I'm going to keep saying it!)

  10. I too will pimp your book and I too would love to give one away as a dorkprize. Got one question though... in my exuberance to get your book asap, I pre-ordered it last January. It now occurred to me (I'm quick that way) that I'm just going to get a regular old everyday copy from Amazon and not an officially signed one from you. SOOOOOO.... let me know what I have to do to get me one them thar signed ones.

  11. Anonymous2:25 PM

    Okay, I would SOOO go to the 80's prom party if 1. I was not 2000 miles away and 2. my prom dress could be squeezed onto my post baby body. But since I am and it can't you'll just have to post pictures.

    Since I don't have a blog, I've just been pimping your book to people I actually have to look at and talk to, but honestly I think it's going well. :)

  12. i want to a. go to the prom with you and b. pimp your book on my blog! i'm so excited that its nearly out...i'm going to order my copy now.

  13. After the Fire?! Are you deliberately torturing me? I saw them live in 1981 and my street credibility has never recovered.

    Grats on the book. Mine is on order and since I have popped my review cherry for another blogger book this month, with your permission I will turn my beak towards your oeuvre.

  14. I had a hot pink and mauve prom dress in 1984. My blue eyeshadow was applied by my sister (hello, she is 5 years younger than me) because I didn't "do" makeup. My dreamy date got his license 3 days before the prom. It was bliss I tell you, so I would definitely hit that party with you and the Flock of Seagulls, if I didn't live on the other side of the country.

    However, I will definitely pimp your book whether you want me to or not. I was in Target the other day talking about your book with my kids and about how you were going to be the feature author. So they weren't as impressed as I was with that info, but I am darn sure I can find someone who is!

    Wine, Abba and a new book. What more could I ask for?

  15. I'd totally do the prom thing witcha 'cept nobody took this babe to the prom, and I was soooo in the throse (is that hows ya spell it?) of da '80s grajuating in '87... such a shame. One of those dudes cudda had my 'ginity.

    And yezza, still do wunda who won Pimp my BLog over at Eileen's... Uh, Eileen--did you ever announce a winner? Cuz I think MY pIMP YOUR BLOG was pretty damn good. REEEEAL DAMN GOOD if uze axing me.

    An no, i ain't bean drainking. should i be?

    PS--for reals, when I saw that pic of the box of books, I said outloud: NO SHIT! THERE THEY ARE!

  16. I have a totally awesome electric blue lace number you might want to borrow. I want it back. I would totally go with you to the party if I lived close.

    I'll pimp for you for free. I don't need no money to share the love.

  17. Anonymous12:08 AM

    Ooo Jess, Please let me put on my red velvet fedora with the giant feather, snap in my gold tooth and Pimp Yo Book!

  18. Jess, I would love to Pimp Your Book, but I would like to read it first! Could I get a copy, then pimp it? There's plenty of time for me to read it before May 19th!

  19. What an awesome, clever way to open a post about your good news.
    This is so full of happiness that it jumps right off the page :)

  20. my high school didn't have a prom...*sigh*..so i'd be all over that!

  21. Not sure if I'll have time to pimp your book but if I wasn't about to pass a baby I'd totally do it! But anything I can do to help you promote, just let me know.

    Can't wait until it comes out. I need something good to read while nursing.

  22. I just got an email from Amazon saying that folks who purchased my book also pre-ordered yours, inviting me to join the fun. So of course, I did. How could I resist that little "just click here to order" button???


    I'm excited to read it and will happily pimp!

  23. Anonymous9:08 PM

    Hey Jess! I am so freaking excited! I can't wait to read your book and talk about it to anyone who will listen. Take Care,


  24. will pimp for fun and profit. hit me with the details dude.

    Mommy R

  25. Anonymous7:48 AM

    tic..........toc.............tic..............toc............ Jess, can time move any slower?Can't............wait............much................longer!!!

  26. Anonymous6:58 PM

    Me! Me! Me!

    I can pimp with the best of them! Which I'm sure is all my mom ever wanted me to become.

  27. Anonymous4:40 PM

    Hey Jess - I just linked in from Eileen Cook's blog. You're just as funny!
    I covered "Unpredictable" in my book blog
    and would love to pimp for you on "Sideways"!!
    Let me know and we'll do the detail thing.

  28. Umm oops here's how to contact me!

  29. Anonymous6:08 PM

    I am so excited for you Jess! You know I am one of your biggest fans and have a list of friends and family members waaiting for May 20!
    Does being a former roommate qualify me for an autographed copy?
    Love Fee

  30. Anonymous9:58 PM

    Those are BEAUTIFUL! You must have been so excited when you opened the box. And best of luck with the pimple, photo shoot, and book pimpage. I'll spread the word to other bloggers to see if they'll help, too.

  31. Anonymous12:16 AM

    Congratulations, Jess! Caryn sent me over and I'd be oh so happy to pimp your book! Let me know how you want to work it and I'll try and think of something a little creative. Good luck with the photo shoot! (I'm glad to hear I'm not the only one who still gets those darn things. Although I'm very sorry you got yours now.)

  32. I love 80's music and I really was a teenager back then. You must show pics if you go to the party.
    I'm really excited to read your book!

  33. Snorted out loud in public at your reference to The Jerk. Ha!

    And you must guest blog on Drunk Writer Talk... And do an interview on my blog. We'll tawk. Have your people get in touch with my people. Wait. I don't have any people. I'll e-mail you.

    Can't wait to get my paws on your book.


    I'll pimp me some Jess Riley at the Very Large Bookstore where I work. I'll make it my employee pick and then I'll suggest it to the hundred or so women who ask me each month "What would be a great book for my book club to read?"

    Aw, yeah, baby. Let me slide some Jess Riley your way.

  35. Of course count me in for anything and everything! I did mention you in my little book blog today as a primer for the pimping that is to come :)

  36. I'd have TOTALLY gone to that prom party with you!

    Also, are you doing any book-signings around the great state of WesCAAAHNSin? Because I'm absolutely showing up and getting my picture taken with you if you are. :)

  37. Never went to prom, so can't go witcha. I can, however, pimp your book out to my vast tens of readers, all of whom are erudite and curious people, just thirsting for a book written by someone who knows how to fling the funn-ay. COUnt me in if there's still time!

  38. Anonymous6:43 PM


    Caryn mentioned your contest, so I'll put a link and some info up on my livejournal. Hope it brings more people to you. :)

  39. Anonymous3:03 PM

    i would LOVE to pimp your book on my blog if you'd write a guest post for me :) :) ('specially since i'm lookin' for guest bloggers for this upcoming weekend :) :) hint hint?)