Tuesday, August 28, 2007

You can now call me Aunt Jess

Guess who has a new nephew to corrupt? That’s right! ME! I’m only kidding about the corrupt part, because he is sweet and perfect and wonderful. And while some may argue that those traits can make for the most entertaining corruptions, I simply love this little boy too much to buy him a synthesizer and drum kit for his sixth birthday or feed him nothing but Skittles and let him stay up late to watch Weekend at Bernie’s and Caddyshack II and set off firecrackers when he comes to visit.

My sister did such a fantastic job in the delivery room. No drugs! No screaming! (Well, mostly. But I only did it that one time.) She almost made labor look easy, like a Dr. Suess poem: Give birth while you sleep! Give birth in a Jeep! Give birth lying down, give birth with no frown! (Well, easy except for that one part that caused me, her childless sister, to curl into a numb ball of terror in the corner. Kidding again!)

I’d never witnessed a real, live birth before. And it was amazing. I freakin’ CRIED, alright. And then I drove home at three in the morning, so dog-tired and sentimental that I actually listened to The Scorpions’ “Wind of Change”* in its entirety (remember, I was overtired), smiling goofily nearly the whole way and thinking things like, “my new nephew makes me want to be a better person” and “if we work together, we can change the world.” Babies are just such hope-inspiring little people. They make me want to join a commune and give up my place in line at the Department of Motor Vehicles. (Well, after today they do.)

He is eight pounds / eight ounces, twenty inches long, alert, strong, and his back is kind of hairy. I just love him. The trick will be figuring out how to wrestle him away from my parents, who have already begun to spoil their first grandchild like it’s a competitive event.

And do you know what else? I’m his only aunt! And I’m the Godmother! Do I sound like I’m kind of bragging? I guess I am…this is all so very exciting.

I promise I won’t turn this blog into the New Nephew Photo Gallery. Unless you want me to. Do you? Have I mentioned his cute little mango-shaped head tucked into that snug little knit cap? And his adorable button nose and wide, wondering eyes? He already has many hobbies, such as sucking on his teeny-tiny fist and winning hearts and minds. He’s very talented and brilliant. I will post a picture or four-hundred when I have some.

Sidenote: my mother told me that when she was in labor with me, the doctor brought in six student interns to observe my birth. Isn’t that something? And I’ve been an attention-hog ever since.

So tell me some birth stories. How were you born? How were your children born? How was the universe born? How about the concept of the spelling bee?

I’ll start: when my younger brother was born, he came out peeing and the doctor said, “It’s the fountain of youth!” Okay, your turn!

*This was playing on the radio. If you ever find this in my CD collection, please schedule an intervention and restrict my access to things like checking accounts, flammable materials, and microphones at public events.


  1. Anonymous2:23 AM

    Congrats on the wee one Aunt Jess. And I do mean wee.

  2. Aw. He sounds like a swell baby.
    I have such different birth stories for each of my three! And you're right - it IS a beautiful thing.

  3. Congrats, Auntie Jess! I think you should brag to your heart's content. After all, that makes up for the obnoxious parent posts that the rest of us put up. You've earned it! Definitely post photos! And definitely corrupt him - it's your duty. It's why he'll love you to bits and why your sister can depend on you for copious babysitting.

    Hi from Brew City where the Brew Crew is letting us down in a big way.

  4. Anonymous9:14 AM

    Congratulations, Aunt Jess.

    Hearing Winds of Change on the radio would give me tremendous hope for the world, too. Either that or "Fat-Bottomed Girls."

  5. When my first child was born the Dr. asked me if I wanted to cut the cord, and it freaked me out. The only thing I could think of was, Hey, my kid is 10 seconds old and you want me to cut off part of his body?!! Weird. I just told him "No thanks. I believe that's your job."

  6. My dad was at a football game while my mom was going into labor (he didn't know), but had borrowed a friend's pager to be alerted if it happened. However, his friends had been pranking him every 15 minutes or so, so by the time he got the real page he was loathe to get up from the game. He eventually called to check, just in time to catch my mom and aunt running out the door on the way to the hospital.

  7. Awww. Congratulations, Aunt Jess! He sounds sweet as can be.

    Loved your Dr. Seuss poem.

  8. Congratulations, Aunt Jess! You're going to have so much fun with him! I can't speak for everyone, but I personally would not mind if you frequently posted pictures and stories of your darling nephew.

    Telling my labor story would take way too long, but I will say that I now hate the sound of someone whispering, but I didn't kill my MIL over it. And my daughter was definitely worth every part of the experience.

  9. Anonymous12:05 PM

    Very cool Jess! Congratulations! How's my bro feelin' about being an uncle? Now that you've got the aunt thing underway... when are you going to try the motherhood thing and make me an aunt? (Couldn't resist. Sorry!)

    Can't wait to see some pics!

  10. Congrats! He sounds like a keeper!

    My labor stories are fairly boring. My youngest two shot out like a cannonball. You've got a nice mental image now, dontcha?

    Can't wait to see a picture of the little guy.

  11. Awww...congrats! You'll be a fabulous Aunt, ready to divulge all the stuff Mommy & Daddy won't explain. It's a fun gig, this Aunt thing...welcome to the team :)

  12. Congrats to your sister and her husband--and to you, Auntie Jess!

    That thing about your birth being observed by students and your subsequent life as an attention hog? OMG, that's exactly the case with my oldest son! I can't wait to tell him--now he'll understand how he got the way he is!

  13. Yay for babies! Yay for Godbabies and cute noses, and suchlike.

    Me personally was bonr breech, with my feets over my head. Ahem. The doc told me mom I was born "ass to" like I was a sloop or something. Mom didn't remember jack, because she was all drugged up.

    One kid of mine came out the regular way after way too much pushing (3 HOURS, anyone?), the other came out surgically after no pushing at all. I recommend method #2 most heartily.

  14. Congratulations!

    A little Virgo! And what a great month to be born! Why, everyone I know who is born in late August are the most amazing, fabulous people!

    Love him up, that's what you're there for, Auntie.

    Favorite part of my most recent birthing: baby was taken fresh from my uterus via c-section, and the nurse showed him right to me. I saw his red hair - no one in our families has red hair - and I said, "Is that *my* baby?" And the nurse gave me a funny look and said, "Well, you're the only recently pregnant woman in the room."

    Congrats again!

  15. I totally want to see a picture. You'll be the best Auntie ev-ah!

  16. Anonymous1:51 PM

    Congratulations, Auntie! That's excellent news. I'm sure he's absolutely brilliant and has inherited your wit.

  17. Anonymous5:45 PM

    Each of my sons broke my tailbone coming out. Of course, with all the other "trauma" going on in my netherregions I hardly noticed. The doctor heard the snapping sound, though.

  18. Congratulations on being an Aunt. It's very, very special.

    My youngest son was so fat when he was born, that everybody in the delivery room said "WHOA" at the exact same time. I thought he had two heads or something.

  19. It is wonderful you are so excited about this birth. Good luck wresting the babe from the grandparents if he is their first grandchild!
    As for birth stories, I am 62 years old and my 88 yr old dad STILL loves to tell about when I was born. It never goes away--the excitement of a special babe being born!

  20. Keep it short and sweet, Susan...
    Daughter #1: 38 hours of induced labor, finally extracted from my hoo-ha with what looked like metal salad tongs, ripping said hoo-ha in a 4th degree tear (that's down to the muscle, for all you non-med folks). She was stuck in there, seeing as she was trying to evacuate my body face-first, instead of crown-first.
    Daughter #2: 3 hours of induced labor....I pushed a handful of times...midwife said: "Don't sneeze or laugh...I need to get my gloves and gown on." And Miss Thang slithered out like a peeled grape.
    Too bad you can't have your second child first.

    Congrats on your New Nephew (this kind of occasion deserves capitalization)

  21. Anonymous10:00 PM

    Congratulations Auntie Jess! I love this Aunt job of mine, I hope you enjoy yours as well! (p.s. try to get him to say Your name first (well, ok, after "momma"... it pisses everyone off - heehee)

    "Aunt Gigi"

  22. Babies is the best.

    I wrote about my first daughter's birth here: http://lachucheria.blogspot.com/2007/01/where-did-my-baby-go.html

    It was quite the ordeal, but I am still a big ol' sap when it comes to birthing stores. I cry every time I watch "A Baby Story" on TLC.
    Congrats! Let the spoiling begin!

  23. Congrats, Auntie! ;-)

    Try not to corrupt that kid too much *LOL*

  24. Jess, I smiled thoughout this post. Witnessing a birth is the best view of life!

    My labor with my only daughter lasted 21 hours and it was a party! On a full moon, the labor and delivery rooms were packed with heavy breathing.

    Spoil that little baby, Aunt Jess! Hug him tightly and make him giggle loudly in a few months. He'll love ya!

  25. Congratulations, Jess! My one and only niece was born early A.M. one Christmas Eve...talk about awe-inspiring! And, though not part of the delivery team, I saw her twenty minutes after her birth and still own the rights to being sole Aunt and Godmother too.

    Enjoy every second of your new role, it's the best.

  26. Ack!!! Congrats! I thought I posted a congrats note last week. When my daughter was born, I was hoping for a girl because Ajers came first so I wanted a girl next (Hell, who we kidding, I wanted a girl first time around!)... when she came out, she was all swollen 'down there' and I thought she had a sack-o-balls. Then the doctor announced, "INDOOR PLUMBING!"

    I about lost it. Oh, and being a likewise attention whore, you can read her birth story over here...

    McKaelen's Birth Story

    Hope it was OK I am sharing via this link!


  27. So, I went back and reread your post--I want to see pics, and you're not sharing his name? In case the psycho readers come get him?!?!?!

    My Tukey, who just turned 6 yesterday was a baby gorilla--(why does gorrilla look misspelled in both instances?)... I love that fuzzy newborn hair!

    Congrats to your sis, and no drugs--AMAZING!

  28. Forget me - let's talk about you!
    He's just gorgeous from the picture above. I'm so happy for you! I've been trying to get here all week to wish you a heartfelt whoo! but you know...work.

    He certainly picked the right aunt to be born to, that much is certain.

  29. Anonymous5:14 PM

    I was born via Csection five weeks early, because of mom's juvenile diabetes. I thrived and was fine and dandy though, and still am.

    My own daughter was born oh-so-very-vaginally, all 9 pounds of her, no drugs. 36 hours of labor. I plan to remind her of this, daily, when she is ready to have her own babies. But her birth really was wonderful and amazing. hurts, but good.. not the end of the world, but the beginning.