Tuesday, January 01, 2008

Turns out the Proof is NOT in the Pudding

Happy New Year, World Wide Interwebs. Can you believe it’s 2008? I really can’t. So if the Mayans were right, this means we’ve only got four years left in which to finally organize our closets and run that half-marathon we’ve been talking about since 1997. Better get cracking.

Oh, how did we celebrate our New Year’s Eve? Well, I still have a headache, if that’s any indication. From three small gin and tonics consumed over a five-hour period. When did my internal organs become 82 year-old men in compression socks? I’m amused because I actually thought I was pacing myself quite well, because I wanted to be RESPONSIBLE and NOT HUNGOVER because I still have 140 pages of manuscript to proof one last time. By tomorrow.

I like to live on the edge.

Before going out last night, I discovered only the best new show on TV. It’s called The Whitest Kids U’ Know. Uncensored sketch comedy on IFC. I laughed so hard watching this clip that I injured one of the 82 year-old men near my ribcage.

This only partially makes up for my Saturday viewing of one of the worst movies I’ve seen in a very long time. P.S. I Love You? No, Hollywood: P.S., Please stop making movies that insult the intelligence of the average movie-goer. During one gag-inducing early scene featuring an ‘oh-so-realistic’ private little bedroom striptease performed by the lead character’s devoted, hunky, quirky husband of nine years, I couldn’t help but lean in and whisper to my friend, “Well, the good news is I think he’s going to die soon.”

And he did, but it didn’t really help the movie much.

Also, anyone at all responsible for the trend of female protagonists working through their grief/indecision/guilt by opening: a) an artsy shoe boutique; b) an artsy lamp boutique; c) a cutesy bakery/chocolate shop; d) a dog-walking business; or, e) a whimsical floral studio…the ultra-easy establishment of which leads to the neat and tidy “Happily Ever After,” please stop. I realize that these are dreams shared by many of us with more estrogen than testosterone pumping through our bodies, but you’re making it that much more difficult for us to return to our cubicles on Monday mornings.

I’d much prefer watching a female lead open a series of brutal underground fight clubs than a cozy little bistro any day. But that’s probably just me.


  1. PS I Love You pretty much makes me barf whenever I see the ads, so I'm pretty certain I'm not going to watch it. Although opening a cutesy bakery/fight club DOES sound like fun!
    Happy new year!

  2. That clip of the white boys was hilarious.

  3. Anonymous11:41 PM

    Glad to hear you had a fun and festive celebration of the New Year, even if you are feeling the effects long into today.

    Have a good 2008!

  4. That video is hysterical... I'm not sure what the IFC channel is, but I will definitely watch that show if I can find it.

    And that one guy is right, they're not supposed to touch.

  5. 'cutesy bakery/fight club' - I'll go halfsies with you.

    Happy '08!

  6. Anonymous11:35 AM

    I just think about all of the grieving women out there whose lives don't get tied up in a neat little bow. AND they don't look like Hilary Swank.

  7. Thanks for the (as always) awesomely funny review.

    Hope you have a fabulous '08!

  8. That video clip made me laugh so hard I think I broke my spleen. :)

  9. I would totally go to see a movie in which the female lead copes with her grief by opening underground fight clubs. These so-called feel good movies make me want to barf even when I'm not already hormonal and grumpy.

    Happy New Year, Jess!

  10. OK, #1, I hate you for introducing me to those White Boy clips because I just spent way too much time watching the boss clip where he draws himself masterbating to his employee having sex with the girlfriend yelling, I'M NOT DONE. Thank you very little.

    #2... But I'll forgive you for saving me the $10+ on going to see that stupid PS movie I thought I might want to see, and further thank MYSELF for never buying that book.

    #3... You should go see JUNO instead. It TOTALLY, TOTALLY rocks, much like how we enjoyed Lars and the Real Girl... very quirky-cute. That's my new catch-phrase.

    #4... I think that's all for now.

    Happy Screw It Year!

  11. Happy New Year, Jess. :-)

  12. I've heard that movie was horrid...it may even be the real cause of your hangover.

    I also hate the sad protagonists who overcome their grief by fulfilling their long held dream of mixing their own lotions, shampoos, and soaps and selling them in a trendy little boutique decorated in shades of ecru and beige. How many women really dream that if they had the time and space of single life, they'd go back to the 1800's lifestyle and make their own soap??? I just don't get it.

    Hope you're feeling better ;)

  13. "I’d much prefer watching a female lead open a series of brutal underground fight clubs than a cozy little bistro any day. But that’s probably just me."

    no, it's me too. and most of us.

    cuz when i think of getting over heartbreak, i think of selling overpriced bath beads in a store w/ lace curtains.


    i think of kicking some ass!! =)

  14. Glad I'm not the only one thinking about 2012! Seriously, I am ;)

  15. It's not just you. I'd definitely pay to go see a female version of Fight Club... :) Thanks for confirming that I didn't want to see PS I Love You.