Thursday, November 20, 2008

The Fine ShArt of Blogging with Boundaries

Once again, I find myself wanting to blog about something very personal, but I CAN NOT because I have very stupidly been writing a PUBLIC BLOG for the past three years. (At first I typed "Yars," like a pirate, but all that Somali pirate shit isn't FUNNY. You need eye patches and peg legs and striped hankies tied around your bald heads for that.)

So because this is a public blog, and the people who control my paycheck and the seating arrangements at family holiday gatherings read this, I must censor myself, which stinks worse than the shared bathroom on the third floor of my office building. I can't tell you when I'm really ticked about something (unless it's innocuous, like ridiculously imcompetent waiters or how my hair looked like a giant owl pellet at an important event). Nor can I tell you certain hilarious things that happen in my day-to-day because I might end up divorced and penniless, sleeping at my parents' place on a cot under a blanket knit from cat hair.

I recently told a book club I met with (see how I dropped that in there, all nonchalant, like I'm cool?) about an embarrassing event I once wanted to blog about because I found it disturbingly hilarious, and based on their semi-horrified responses, I'm glad I didn't write about that one. So sometimes the censorship ends up being a good thing. For everyone, really.

Anyway, I am experiencing something right now that is the emotional equivalent of enema by nailgun: painful, mildly humiliating, and quite possibly my own damn fault. I may end up telling you about this in the weeks and months to come. I may end up starting a new, completely anonymous blog. I may end up doing nothing at all but eating a bag of Sun Chips in front of a Big Love marathon.

I'm going to pilates tonight, and I really hope someone rips one during class.

When I'm in a mood,
It'll take something crude
For a new attitude.


  1. Oh, I love Big Love.

    I used to have a sort of bloggy friend, and he gave up his blog and started emailing his daily tirades to everyone he knew. Maybe you could take a mailing list, and email us your story? I'm sure it would be HI-Larious.

    I used 'Precious Moments eyes' on a comment just now, but I gave you full credit.

    Thursday is yoga night here. The farts. Sigh.

  2. I'm sorry you're going through a rough time. If it makes you feel any better, now we're all suffering the anguish of extreme nosiness that can never be fulfilled.

    If it gets really bad I'll make you a present.

    I don't know why, but presents always make things better, right? And we can never have enough tote bags, can we?

  3. TELL TELL TELL!! (or e-mail me...)

  4. Anonymous7:50 PM

    Inspiring Minds want to know!!! It's okay if you spill the beans, we'll back you up! :)

  5. I am hopping in to say I feel your pain, and if you go private, you have to let me in. You are not aware, but, I read you all the time. I read your words, not you personally. Oh, this will drive me crazy....

  6. Tell me about it. I just reconciled with my sister after 3 yrs and my mother after a year and a half. Now I can't even write about it. I am not amused.

  7. I'm sorry life is sucking for you right now, Jess. I really hope things get better for ya soon.

    Count me in the "If you go private, I want in" team, because I am all over that bandwagon.

  8. just say you're writing a memoir and then you have an excuse to tell it all! ;)

  9. It would seem to me that a published author has the perfect means whereby to spill the beans--in book # 2 (or # 3 if # 2 is already written).

  10. Anonymous8:34 AM

    Yes, let's have a tell all memoir! I like Gail's thinking!
    My hand is itching to pick up the phone to call you pet.

  11. Dude, feel free to email with funny stories ANYTIME!

  12. But you can tell me right?

  13. Anonymous12:13 PM

    Not cool Jess, now we are all chomping at the bit to know. I think you should sit down and email each and every one of us *giggle* Ohhh the humanity! You know what they say, if you are going through hell, don't stop!

  14. so you did that on purpose, right? completely engage us by saying that you've got a burning story to tell, only to leave us dangling, slobbering for the food that will never come, like pavlov's dogs! you're so MEAN, pavlov! stop ringing the bell...serve up the food!

  15. dude. that was like THE WORST tease ever!


  16. When I know for sure family members are reading my entries, I'll then stop writing about them. Until then, I'm totally spilling the beans.