Sunday, March 19, 2006

Here’s the Wind-up, and…..The Pitch

I have two favors to ask of you, followed by one general announcement. First, if you are interested in supporting good music (and who isn’t), please check out my bro-in-law Safety Joe’s band, Runway 36; every time someone new listens to both of their latest songs, "Welcome to the Afterall" and "All for Show" here, they are one step closer to landing a spot on the Warped Tour. (You can also find their page by clicking on the image below.) Fun stuff, people! And they're GOOD. I am very impressed by this kind of thing, and if they win, they will be on the same bill as Joan Jett & the Blackhearts, which was the first band I ever saw live in concert.

(My apologies to the band if my uncoolness has just sullied their image.)

Second, if anyone knows of any vacancies for a high school English teacher in the Chicago suburbs / southeastern Wisconsin area, please let me know. My younger brother Jake’s position was just axed due to budget cuts (and his “low man on the totem pole” status), so any leads are much appreciated! He's smart, funny, and has the skills & knowledge it takes to churn out classrooms of well-adjusted, literate kids ready to contribute to society.

Third, if you’ll be in the Oshkosh, WI area on April 8th, I’ll be presenting some workshops on my novel & writing in general at Limelite Studios as part of the “Destination Downtown Oshkosh” event. For the low, must-act-now, bargain-basement-blowout price of $25 in advance and $30 at the door, here’s what you get:

  • An "exclusive downtown discount booklet"
  • A runway fashion show with exciting prizes (by "exciting prizes," I hope they mean a superpower toolbelt that can make me invisible, pay all my bills, and end worldwide hunger. A chocolate-dipped Cillian Murphy would also suffice.)
  • Free pastries and mimosas. (Sugary baked goods and BOOZE, people. If that doesn’t get you, maybe the tablescaping will.)
  • Yoga & massage
  • Jewelry making
  • Tablescaping (I think this means learning how to arrange candles, stones, fabric, and potpourri in an attractive manner on a table. Because my tables are covered in a landslide of magazines and paperwork, I’m afraid there will be no scaping in my house.)
  • Health testing
  • "Pampering galore" (This has nothing to do with changing a baby in a cramped bathroom. I'm sure of it.

And if you sign up for my workshops, we'll chat about my book. And writing. And the trials and tribulations of getting an agent. I’ll try to keep the awkward buffoonery to a minimum, unless that is what the attendees wish. Here’s the front of the brochure. Isn’t that cute and girly? I may not be hip enough for this, but I’ll give it a whirl. Registration is at the Algoma Club (107 Algoma Blvd, Oshkosh, WI) at 10 am on Saturday April 8th. Here's some more info about the day on the website of one of my favorite stores. Hope to see you there! Unless doing so would impose a financial and emotional hardship on you. In that case, I'm sure I'll be blogging about the day later.


  1. Anonymous7:13 PM

    I love the brochure...I tried your brother's band site, but the music wouldn't play, will try again. Hope your workshop goes great. Wish I was somewhere close.

  2. Love the song! Being a MN musician myself, I've played all the clubs they're booked at. I wish them the best of luck! BTW, the site crashed w/Firefox but works fine with IE. Isn't that bassackwards?

  3. Anonymous9:07 PM

    If I wasn't on the other side of the world, I would happily attend. Ok, Texas isn't on the other side of the world but it feels like it sometimes.

    Good luck to your brother, Lord knows we need the good teachers.

  4. Anonymous9:26 PM

    I'm going to listen right now - and I can't believe I'm saying this, BUT I wish that I was in Oshkosh...

  5. Ohhh-I wish I lived anywhere near OshKosh...sadly that is not the case.

  6. Anonymous11:20 PM

    If I lived in Wisconsin, I would definitely be there. The combination of getting to hear you talk about your book, pastries & mimosas, and tablescaping is almost too much goodness to bear.

    I can, however, send my husband's 101-year old grandma, who lives in Fountain City. Boy, can that woman drink.

  7. Anonymous11:48 PM

    Cool, cool, cool. Thanks for the promotion.

    Interestingly enough, "I Love Rock 'n Roll" by Joan Jett & the Blackhearts was number 1 on the charts the day I was born.

    So many weird things about that. So many indeed.

  8. Can't go to your book thing.I would absolutely love to because I love your way with words, but I would have to add to the $25 a bargain basement plane ticket of several hundred dollars.

  9. While I have no plans to be anywhere near Oshkosh, if you do in fact get a superhero tool belt that makes you invisible, I will fly out there just to see it in use.

    Then again, how will I know when I find you? You could be lying. You could say, "see that? Over there? No? Well that's me!"

  10. Anonymous11:13 AM

    I will definitely check out the band when I'm back home (with a proper computer).

  11. Anonymous12:04 PM

    Jess... so nice of you to pitch for our bros!

    A little side note for those of you interested in listening to the songs and supporting Runway36... you have to let the songs play all the way through in order for them to get the play credits towards their experience at the tour! Also it'll only count one time per day per computer... but certainly give these guys a hand and visit on a couple of different days. They really are a great group of guys, and they appreciate all of the support that they get!

  12. your BIL's band is cool...I listened, I I listened!

    pampering galore....ha!!

  13. Wow! Mamosas and Pasties? That's a band I want to hear!

    I like the song - which one is your brother? Maybe you should take your Oshkosh Lovefest on tour (with Missoula as your first stop!).

  14. Anonymous5:49 PM

    Very cute brochure...but WI is a bit of a drive from Virginia :) Can I still get free drinks?

    Good luck!

  15. I'll take a listen at the song. Thanks for the link, Jess.


  16. I think you should offer "OshKosh in a box". I woudl buy that for 25 bucks.

  17. Anonymous9:53 PM

    i'll take a listen. i'm always looking for new music!

    alcohol? i would be there most definitely but, alas, oklahoma is not next door. i'm sure your workshop would be informative and worth it. even without the alcohol.

  18. Can't say I've ever said this before, but I kinda wish I was closer to Wisconsin...

  19. I played the song. I really liked it! I hope they win. The Warped Tour is pretty damn cool. Plus, Hubz is a musician/producer so I'm all about supporting musicians!

    I wish I lived there. Then I could see your gig AND buy that $94,000 house :-)

  20. How cool, I wish I lived near by so I could go to one of your workshops. I think your blog is hilarious and I bet your even funnier in real life. ~wink~

    Oh and I'm always looking for a new good band, thanks.

    Night Jess and I LOVE the brochure!

  21. Anonymous12:07 AM

    You're right, they are good. :) I know of nothing for Jake, but will keep my ears open & will consider April 8--it all depends on the weather. It'd be great to see you again!

  22. Wish I could go! Let me know if you're ever speaking near New York.

  23. Is there an 'Unsubscribe' button somewhere on this blog?

    Just kidding of course. I will gladly lend an ear. I don't know of any teaching positions, but will pay attention since I have family in the area.

  24. Knock em dead sister!

    That's such an interesting array of activites going on. Especially the yogascaping and jewelry massage. Neat.

    I would love to meet you in person Jess! Too bad I can't spare a day away here in Blogging Land. You know, those fickle fans. As much as I reassure her, my mom will drop me from her blogroll like that if I don't post every day.

  25. Thanks for the band link. They're good!

    Way cool brochure! And did they pick an array of activities/stuff that would appeal to women, or what? I'd totally be there if I lived anywhere close. You're gonna be a star! (Eddie Murphy in Bowfinger)

  26. Soon as I read "Joan Jett" I left your blog and googled up Warped Tour and searched for when it's in my area and cried out in anguish for it is during the week I am backpacking along the Pacific Crest Trail with a small collection of intrepid Boy Scouts who signed up because they don't know we have arranged for extra snow for us to camp in at the high elevations. I saw her in San Francisco in 1982 or 83. I still think Bad Reputation is her best song, not that stupid I Love Rocky Road thing they play all the time. Anyway I enjoyed what I read and congrats on your novel, I still dream fitfully of sitting down to start the first rewrite of mine. But I have good excuses, two of them in high school, so what the heck. Take care.